I give up.
I read over my first blog post and I just want you to know that it’s not all roses and rainbows. I didn’t wake up one day and life was brilliant.
It’s still a work in progress actually.
Yes there have been some amazing times in my life where I have experienced really high highs but I’ve also had some times where I’ve experienced some really low lows. Times where I quit. Times where I gave up.
Gave up on myself, gave up on hope, gave up on wanting more, gave up on believing – in myself, or in anything.
Yes I have failed. Oh! Have I failed!?! And I’m sure I’m going to fail again and again. And I hope I do. It’s how I’ve learned to pick myself back up, to stick up for myself, to stand my ground, to apologize, to accept, to forgive and dust myself off and start again.
In my career in sales, I’ve experienced rejection. I’ve been rejected. Alot.
I’ve learnt how to get rejected really well. I’ve learnt how to not let rejection affect me anymore.
I’ve gone all in and I’ve still fallen flat on my face.
What changed you may ask? I’ve learnt to be curious.
Curiosity makes things more fun, makes the rejection mean less. Makes the rejection mean less about me, and more about the other person or the larger situation at hand. Curiosity creates this sense of exploration that makes you ask why. I now get curious about each thought or emotion I have and any decision or commitment I make.
So I got curious on giving up.
I gave up. I gave up on me, on love, on success. I even gave up on failure (that’s giving up before even trying just so I didn’t have to experience failure.)
And what I’ve learnt about giving up is that you stay where you are.
You get nowhere.
So trying something is still getting somewhere.
Doing nothing and expecting something different to happen is insanity.
So I started trying.
What is trying? It’s the same as giving up. You can’t try to pick up a chair, you either do or you don’t.
So trying is almost expecting credit for not actually achieving anything.
So I did that for a while & then I realised that, that was also giving up.
Not committing, not deciding. Not going all in.
One day I was listening to a podcast* with a Life Coach and she was talking about honouring your commitments.
She talked about honouring MY commitments – not for other people, not for my benefit or the benefit of others but to honour them for yourself. For your own self worth, for your own self belief. To have your own back.
She talked about setting yourself up for success not failure. Setting up small milestones, small goals to achieve to build your self confidence and to prove to yourself that you could do it. Whatever the goal may be.
That sentence played on my mind for days to come and I realised I wasn’t honouring myself. I didn’t have my own back.
So I started off small. Really small. I honoured my decision to start getting out of bed in the morning earlier. So I set my alarm 10 minutes earlier than normal and decided to get out of bed straight away. No snoozing. And I did that for a week, then I started with 20 minutes and found just how much nicer it was to start my day with more time to wake up and set myself up for success and not be in a rush to get out the door.
I honoured myself by deciding to focus on the good things that happened throughout my day rather than the negative ones . So I set a goal to finish the day with a grateful practice. Writing down or saying out loud three things that I was grateful for that day. And I found myself, throughout the day looking for the positive things in my life.
I honoured myself by committing to some form of exercise – just to move my body for 10 minutes three times a week. I mean I wouldn’t have called it fitness, but my previous goal of a gym workout, four times a week for an hour wasn’t happening. So I started smaller and worked my way up.
I noticed a difference in my sleep, in my patience levels throughout the day and just being out in nature really improved my outlook on some situations. And once I took the pressure off myself to do a “workout” I found myself enjoying it and ending up doing 20-30 minutes of walking, running or yoga each time I started with 10 minutes.
I committed to honouring my body and avoiding all gluten and dairy foods.
Not for the weight loss or health benefits but because I was actually allergic and had ignored it for many years. I ate and drank it anyway and would get very lethargic and have stomach aches for hours and honouring this commitment to myself meant I no longer complained about being sick so regularly and found my energy levels improving.
Next, I honoured my “ME” time. Taking the time to do something I enjoyed once a week, as long as it didn’t affect my other goals ( like eating a bag of donuts J (gluten))
And slowly but surely things became a little easier. I found that my mental resolve to stick to my guns and that actually fully committing meant that there was no longer a choice. There was no longer that inner argument of will I or wont I. It was just “I don’t eat that anymore, I am an early riser, I enjoy my exercise because it is something I choose to do.”
My belief in myself improved and because I had proven to my mind and myself that it was possible, it opened up so many more possibilities.
I started setting bigger goals and honouring those and achieving so much more. I became happier within myself and people even started to notice.
Again, it wasn’t all roses and rainbows but when I found myself falling back into old habits, I would ask myself two questions:
- Am I honouring my commitments and honouring myself?
- If I am 100% committed – is this something that will move me forward toward my goals?
Each day is a new chance to honour myself, and to have my own back.
Every day is also a new chance to fail, to fall flat on my face, a chance to learn a new lesson. But I’d rather fail then not have tried at all. Otherwise, what is life for?
If we’re one soul, here on earth, having a human experience, then I want to experience it all.