The Struggle is real. How to keep procrastination at bay…

So I’ve cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the floors, made the beds, had two cups of coffee and cleaned the bench tops. I even cleaned the drains in every sink in the house. I’ve scrolled through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and even LinkedIn. I’ve tidied up my files on my desk and set out all the resources I need to get started. I’ve listened to two podcasts to get in the right head space and I’ve already wasted 2 hours. Procrastination shows up for everyone differently. I know I should be working on my next blog posts. I know I should start making a plan for my next workshops and be creating content for my online programs but something is stopping me.

I check my emails again – nothing new. I delete my junk mail folder, I rearrange the apps on my phone and delete  the ones I haven’t used in a while. And still I can’t find the motivation to get started.

I know I should get started but I keep getting distracted by other non important things that take my attention away from my tasks.

So i stop and tell myself -OK Enough – get started. So I go through my resources and figure out what to focus on first.

Then my phone chimes. A message from a friend, I better reply now or I’ll forget about it later.

20 minutes later, I’ve filled up my water, been to the bathroom, got my laptop open, and am changing content on my website.

Still no closer to getting started. I think, maybe it’s because I don’t have a deadline? I work well under pressure when I “have to” get shit done. Arrh. Well that’s not going to help me now either.

So what is procrastination?   I google the meaning:

Procrastination; It is the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, or carrying out less urgent tasks instead of more urgent ones, thus putting off impending tasks to a later time. Sometimes,procrastination takes place until the “last minute” before a deadline.

 

Well, great. Thanks Google. Now I’m procrastinating about procrastinating. The struggle is real.

We all have times where we allow procrastination to distract us from achieving our goals. A lot of my clients have this problem, so I want to share with you, lessons I have learnt and what I go through with them to keep them moving forward on their goals.

Find one that works for you in the moment and move yourself past or through procrastination and resistance.

So here are my top 5 –  tried and tested methods for moving past procrastination.

  1. Turn off distractions – Seriously.  Easier said than done. When I have a large number of tasks to complete I will set myself up for an hour of power. I set a timer, turn off the phone, TV etc, and any other distractions that may hold me back from smashing out all the things on my list.
  2. Boost your Dopamine Levels. When you find yourself falling into *unconscious patterns of procrastination you need to do something to bring yourself back to your conscious brain where you can think more deliberately. How do we do that you ask? Boost your dopamine levels in your brain. This can quite easily be done by exercise. Interrupt that pattern and take yourself for a walk, do star jumps, push ups,  have some caffeine, chocolate etc. These are all great ways to increase your dopamine levels. Dopamine in the brain is used every time we make a decision, so automate* your mornings before you know you have to complete big tasks so you have access to more dopamine to work on things that are more important. Also keep up your water intake. As you are learning something new or thinking really hard, your brain starts to heat up, so keeping your brain/body hydrated is a great way to keep things moving. Also remember to eat. High protein meals keep our dopamine levels up to be able to think deliberately, make decisions more effectively and to keep your energy levels high.
  3. Resistance and Procrastination.  Procrastination is the most common form of Resistance. What are you resisting? What are you avoiding? Ask yourself these questions and check in with how you are feeling. Remember, your thoughts create your feelings. So if you are thinking “I’m no good at this”, “I don’t know what I’m doing”  or ” I’ll never get this done” then that is going to create a negative feeling in your body and that will lead you down a path of continuous procrastination. Because no one wants to do something that doesn’t feel good.  Check your thoughts and choose a more positive mindset to keep you moving forward. Like, “What’s the next best step I can take to move me forward?”, “What can I start right now?” “How can I enjoy myself while I get this done?”.
  4. Acknowledge and Delay.  Just like craving chocolate or high sugar foods, procrastination is  a form of pleasure and as human beings we desire pleasure, it’s part of our hierarchy of core human needs.  Procrastination can be pleasurable but unresourceful.   So rather an deny ourselves of what the brain/body want, why not acknowledge it and give it what it wants? But, not right away. When procrastination sets in, acknowledge that it exists and talk to it as it was a person. “Yes I understand you want to procrastinate by watching TV right now, and I have a lot of important tasks to complete. So, Yes you can procrastinate, if you wait 24 hours. Tomorrow from 6 – 9pm you can watch TV to your hearts content”. Just put it off. Delay it. I know this sounds simple but it works. Works the same with your diet. Desperately craving chocolate or a glass of wine but know you shouldn’t? Acknowledge it, and say yes you can have that chocolate, tomorrow at 6pm. And just notice how that makes you feel. Do you still want it? Yes, but are you able to wait right now, so you can achieve your goals ? Yes, because we are not denying the brain, we’re just tricking it.
  5. Motivation is Bullshit so stop waiting for it to kick in.  If you’ve tried, all of the above and  none have worked then just take action. ANY action. Just start. Try starting at the end and working your way back. Try something different. Try something that doesn’t work and then try something that does. Waiting for motivation is like waiting for confidence. You can only get confident  in something new once you’ve actually done it. Want to be confident in public speaking? Then get out there and speak in public. Want to be confident in speaking Spanish, then practice until it because easy. Want to get motivated to do things you don’t want to do. Just do them until you become motivated to continue.

And Lastly.  Thank it. Thank the procrastination for the lesson it is teaching you, because this is what is going to take you to the next level. To your next level of confidence, next level of potential –  coz let’s get real, you wouldn’t be procrastinating if it wasn’t important.

If you find these helpful, please let me know and please share with a friend to assist in their struggle too.

Cool, now what’s next on my list?

 

*Unconscious Patterns – when you find yourself scrolling through Facebook blindly and 20 minutes have passed and you didn’t even realize, then you’ve slipped into a pattern of behavior that subconsciously you have done may times before and requires no energy/dopamine to consciously think about doing.

*Automate – prepare your mornings the night before, decide what you are having for breakfast, what you plan to wear, your routine etc anything where you need to make decisions – pre-decide and plan ahead so your mornings run on autopilot.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Sexual assault, suicide, rape, depression, bullying and the effects social media has on our mental health. These are just some of the themes in the new Netflix teen drama “13 Reasons Why”.

I got so hooked on it, I watched all 13 episodes in a weekend.

Talk about Netflix binge– so much sloth time.

The creators of the series were not afraid about bringing up these strong and important issues in our society and as all good dramas go these days, it was very graphic and suspenseful. Yet very real life.

The shows themes reminded me of some really dark times in my life and here’s the problem with binge watching – your brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination or reality when it comes to feeling the emotions and the effect that that can have on us.

I don’t think there is anyone that has not been directly or indirectly affected by one or more of these themes in their lives. And I think it’s really important to bring these issues into the light because there is such a stigma around them and, the more we talk about them, the more people will feel comfortable coming forward or reaching out when they need help.

This series was really graphic, real and raw. Especially the suicide scene where the main character Hannah, slit her wrists in a bathtub (which I just couldn’t watch), as well as the rape she witnesses and then her brutal rape. (sorry spoiler alert).

After the series I watched the interview with the directors and cast which helped me understand why they decided to show it in such graphic detail.

In today’s society, we see violence everywhere, we can’t even turn on the news without hearing or seeing violent graphic scenes happening in real life. We are numb to such graphic detail and I believe there is a romancing around the topic of suicide. So the suicide scene is very graphic and I believe they needed to create that shock value to highlight that suicide is not pretty. It’s not a beautiful experience, it’s not easy, it’s not something that people choose lightly and it certainly leaves an aftermath of trauma to those left behind as well.

I think “13 Reasons Why” really highlights this fact.

When someone is in such a deep depression, when the pain is that difficult, that they just cannot take another day of life and they think that suicide is their only way out, the last thing they are doing is thinking about the after effects to those around them.

And by no means, do  I mean suicide is selfish, I just mean when you are experiencing those dark emotions it can be all consuming.

If anything, they may think people in their lives will be better off without them and life will go on.

But for so many of us, it doesn’t. We are left wondering, fearing why and left in despair, grief and loss. I respect the way the show details how Hannah’s suicide affects not only her family, but her friends, the whole school and all those around her. That, for those affected, life does not go on the same and even though she thought that no one would care she was gone, she touched so many peoples’ lives that she didn’t even realise. And I hope that anyone who watches this show, see’s that and starts to think how their life matters and how everything we do affects those around us.

So the emotions I was experiencing watching these powerful episodes, were real. Real in my body, in my heart, and in my mind. It’s like when you watch a horror movie. In those peak moments you are terrified. Your mind and body go into a state of fear. You cannot move, your body is frozen. In this moment, your brain has a chemical reaction to those emotions and believes it is in a state of danger. It goes into “Fight or Flight” mode and prepares to protect itself.

In this moment, the brain believes there is a threat to our safety. We cannot think of anything else because the blood rushes from our brain to our extremities and prepares us to fight or run from danger. So even though we are watching this on our TV Screens, and there is no direct threat, we are still experiencing the emotions, reminding us of past experiences and referencing times in our lives when we felt like the characters we are watching. It is very real to us and to our brains. And when we repeatedly experience these emotions, they can become a pattern that is difficult to pull ourselves out of.

This show brought up so many references and experiences for me. It re-awoke some old emotions, bad habits and negative thoughts that flung me into waves of emotion that affected me for days to come.  I know people say, what you don’t deal with at the time, will come back to haunt you, and boy- did it. Feelings of regret, loss, anger, powerlessness, hurt, sadness, guilt and shame. Feelings that I just didn’t know what to do with, so my brain, doing everything it can to keep me safe – played old patterns of behaviour to create feelings of comfort and safety. This turned out to be, me bingeing on comfort food, drinking alcohol, more binge watching, slothing on the couch, shopping for unnecessary items and staying hidden from the outside world.

Trying anything to make myself feel better. These are all effective ways to distract the mind from feeling the actual feelings. All ways of buffering. All ways of avoiding actually dealing with the emotions. And it was days later that I was talking on the phone to my sister that I realised, I was in such a bad mood that I was even starting to push people away.

So I stopped and retraced my steps. I took some time out to figure out what was going on in my head.

I asked myself – Why was I feeling this way? What was I telling myself? What was I telling myself about past events, about myself in those past events?  What old emotions was I holding onto and what was I not willing to let go of?

I reached out to a friend and reconnected. I voiced what was going on for me, and just in that moment of putting feelings into words, I started feeling better again. I followed that up with some release writing (20 minutes of writing without purpose – just putting my thoughts into words on paper and then throwing it out). And before I knew it, I was starting to feel like myself again.

This may not work for everyone, but it works for me. I have done some really deep thought work with a Coach to help resolve some of those old emotions that no longer serve me and created some really effective daily practices that set me up to feel the emotions I do want to experience.  But that doesn’t mean I will never experience them again. It just means I have a choice. A choice to feel the emotions I choose to and understand when old negative thoughts or old emotional habits start to affect me. Sometimes it can be a daily practice, an awareness or a refocusing that helps me get back on track.

If you are feeling disconnected,  or alone  – please reach out to a friend and ask them the questions you wish someone would ask you. Connect. If not a friend, then a hotline, there are so many services available.

If you are feeling unloved – Reach out to someone and show them some love. Just the act of showing love to someone will give you the feeling of love in return.

If you are feeling judged or hurt – Reach out and be kind to another person, and listen to their story.

If you are feeling misunderstood – reach out and learn about another person who has been misunderstood. And try to understand someone else’s point of view, that is different to yours. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

The important part is that you reach out and take care of yourself and your own mental health.

Once you see something you cannot unsee it, so choose your TV Shows, Movies, news feeds, and interactions with certain people carefully.

It is so important that we take care of our minds. Take mindfulness seriously, as it can change your life.

Life can be hard sometimes. But without the hard times, how will we know what the good times are? We need the dark, to notice the light, and we need to feel sad to know what happiness feels like.

The hard times make us stronger and the good times show us it’s all worth it.

You never really know what’s going on for someone else, so please be kind.

And if you are in need, please reach out and talk to someone.

 

 

Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36

Life line Australia – 13 11 14

Headspace –  1800 650 890

Where are you hiding out?

Recently, I had the privilege to attend an evening event with a power couple of the personal development world – Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles. #partnersinshine

If you haven’t checked these guys out on You tube/Facebook/Instagram yet please do – you will not regret it!

It was such an epic night, with so many learnings, so many ah-huh moments, so much laughter and yet so much realness. Like raw realness. What I love about this enlightened couple is that they are so passionate and real and not afraid to own up to their own shit. What do I mean by that?

Owning your own shit (stuff, issues, insecurities, weaknesses etc). Becoming aware enough to know and say – that’s my shit coming up. That’s me making excuses, that’s me giving up on myself, that’s my insecurities, that’s my fear, jealousy, guilt etc. That’s my Ego. We all have one and it shows up for us on a daily basis in different ways. And it drives our behaviour – if we let it.

By taking responsibility, owning up to it and bringing it into the light we are able to take our power back and instead of giving our power away , we can lean in and learn the lessons it is showing us.

In the hour and a half that I sat in their presence, there was so much goodness that would be impossible for me to share all of it so I’d just like to share my main takeaway’s from the night.

  1. Show up. Show up powerfully in your life.

In whatever you choose to do, as a partner, a mother, an employee, a friend, a daughter. Show up powerfully and be present and invested. We owe it to ourselves to be the best version of ourselves and show the world who we really are. And everything from there will be epic.

If more of us stopped trying to be something we think we should be, and focused on being more of ourselves, no matter what others thought, the world would be a happier place. The lesson I took from this is to stop trying to live someone else’s expectations, someone else’s idea of who I should be and just be who I choose to be. Also to show up in every aspect of my life, not just the areas I wanted to.

There is a role that I have in a business partnership that I recently felt had reached it’s lifespan and I wasn’t invested in anymore. I had started to really neglect my responsibilities in the partnership. After hearing this I realised I wasn’t showing up for the people I was working with fully. Even though I was telling myself that I didn’t have the energy or time for it, that I wanted to focus on other ventures, I decided to change my attitude and take responsibility for my contribution and started showing up fully. Just by showing up powerfully each day,  I was able to uncover new things to learn, new avenues that were beneficial, and have started to see the impact I have, just by sharing my knowledge and energy.  Just by showing up powerfully and I started to find enjoyment in the role again.

 

  1. How much is enough?

There are so many facets to this statement. How much is enough? Enough money, enough success, enough love, enough happiness? Knowing what success looks like for us is really important because so many people set themselves up to be successful and then when they achieve it they wonder, is this it?  And then we set the bar higher and knuckle down again to achieve the next goal. When sometimes we need to look inside and realise we are enough.

Sometimes, when we are trying to achieve success we set conditions to success and what emotions we will allow ourselves to feel based on those conditions.

I will feel sexy when I weigh this many kilos, I will feel successful when I make this much money, I will feel love when I have a boyfriend.  We are enough and we can experience the emotions we choose to experience on a daily basis without these conditions.

Can you remember the last time you felt sexy? Felt successful? Felt loved? Remember that – feel that? You see, we can create every emotion in our bodies whenever we choose, yet we’ve set these conditions and are telling ourselves “we will be enough when…”

So how much is enough for you?

 

  1. Where am I hiding out?

I love this. It’s such a real question! There’s no hiding from it.

Where in my life, right now, am I hiding out?

Where am I holding myself back, keeping myself out of the spotlight, for fear of failure, success or judgement?
We all have an area of our lives that we are hiding out from, whether it be taking a risk on a business, a promotion, a relationship, trying something new. For fear of what? So much of our realness is hidden in our self talk. We talk ourselves out of the great ideas we have and our brain creates such convincing arguments about why we shouldn’t do it. But what if we could? What if we pushed aside the negative self talk and stepped into our full potential and showed up powerfully?

I realised I was hiding out in achieving further success with my business as I wasn’t prepared to delve into more online platforms, and once I realised that i was holding myself back from the world I started to really look at the possibilities and now I am planning my new Online programs and creating a podcast to further reach my followers.

Just by owning up to the fear, addressing it and then saying….

 

  1. Fuck it, Let’s go!

Just do it. Take the action. There is no failure. Only feedback.

You owe it to yourself, to your teachers, your parents, your children, to the world.

So lean into your true potential and discover who the real you is and what you have to offer the world.

And believe me, you have a lot to offer the world.

So many people die with their music still in them. Don’t let that be you.

Thank you to Emily Gallagher @ConsciousBossClique for bringing this amazing event to the Gold Coast.

 

Where to next?

What are your goals for the future? Do you set goals?

Do you avoid setting goals or New Years resolutions because you have done it in the past, not achieved them and would rather spare yourself the disappointment ?

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of goal setting, out of this world big dream goal setting. It’s so much fun. Fun to let your mind run wild- oh the possibilities.

In my excitement, I’ve been chatting to so many people also about setting goals and have been so surprised to learn that not a lot of other people actually set real goals. Some didn’t even have any goals past getting through next week. so where to next?
If we don’t set goals are we telling ourselves ‘this is it?’.
Just hoping that things will get better.
During one of my coaching sessions with a client this week, we were trying to find some clarity around my clients goals. When I asked her about what her financial and career goals were, she was drawing a blank.
she had an idea. But just an idea. When I asked her for a specific concrete goal she couldn’t articulate it past just that, an idea.

So how will you know if you’ve achieved it? I asked.

I don’t know. She said.

And that is what I find, a large number of people are living their lives like.

I don’t know. I hope so.  Or I don’t hope, because I don’t want to be disappointed.

Last year I set some small goals for myself and when I pulled out that same notebook to review them, later in the year, I was really surprised how many of them I had actually achieved. With no set plan in place other than my writings of, this is what I want.

So at the beginning of this year I decided to go higher.

I planned out, step by step each goal into smaller little goals to achieve along the way. I did this in January, on a huge flip chart with arrows in the direction I wanted to go. I had this in my living room to see every day. By the end of February I had achieved all but two. All but 2. Wow! I hadn’t actually set a time line but really didn’t expect it to happen that quickly.
But it did. (Thanks Universe)

It made me wonder. Had I been working harder? Did I have more time? Had I been more focused?
I don’t think so.
I just knew where i wanted to go.
And in seeing it everyday, i was telling my brain what was important to me, and when I came home at the end of the day, I could see what the next step was. I’m a really visual person so this really worked for me.
So thinking about your life, if your life was a GPS in a car and you checked in every day to see where you are on your journey and where you wanted to go- do you think you’d reach your destination sooner?

Are you checking in everyday and saying “this is where I’m at” being unhappy with that and not setting your GPS up with a destination?

The best part about setting yourself goals is knowing and telling your brain that you want more.
You are telling your brain that where you are, is not where you want to be.

Your brain is extremely intelligent and will work for you, if you give it directions.
If you tell it to focus on all the negative things happening in your life it will continue to bring those things to your attention.
But if you tell it to focus on achieving the things you are set out to do in your life then it will go ahead and set to work, working in the back of your mind.
Bringing your attention to answers you require, things or people that will assist you in moving further ahead.
So set yourself up for an amazing life- set some big goals, dream big and then go back to the list on a regular basis and dream bigger again.

Last year I read a book about happiness and they suggested doing a 10 year plan. And I remember thinking, woah – too big. 10 years? Gees, I don’t know where i’ll be in 10years!

I gave it a go. It was hard, don’t get me wrong, but I kept it and kept updating it. At first, I had 10 years from now, what my age would be and what I wanted to have achieved by then, and then I worked backwards.
When you set it out like that, I was like, shit, I better get started now.

Don’t let your life slip past you, day to day, year to year, and wonder what have I achieved?

Set a goal and then make a plan.
Otherwise, it only ever will be just a dream.A dream you once had.
One day, is no day.

Start today. All you need to ask yourself is, where to next?

Expectation let down.

At the beginning of the year, I went to a business event and every year at this conference we usually review the previous year, celebrate the wins and reflect on our results. This year, I had an interaction with a person, who was a well respected leader in the group, that didn’t exactly meet up to my expectation of acknowledging and congratulating me on my results and so they triggered me in unexpected way.
I walked away from this conversation and experience feeling disappointed, angry and undervalued.
In the past,  from an interaction like this, I would have gone into a spiral of negativity, anger and have a total pity party.
“What about me? It isn’t fair” I can hear the song playing in my head now.

So from that one interaction, I somehow made it mean that:
– I didn’t matter
– I was insignificant
– My results were pointless
– I wasn’t being heard
– I was replaceable

All from one conversation.

Before I became aware of these thoughts, I went into quite an emotional funk and it took me almost a whole day to pull myself out. During the day though, I allowed my feelings to overcome me and I embodied the thoughts I was having.
– I cowered when being called upon in our group
– I kept quiet even when I had something to say
– I became introverted and shied away from further interactions
– I only spoke with my immediate group when normally I would speak to anyone

Since embarking on my journey of self development and self-coaching I thought I had come so far and yet I allowed myself to indulge in these feelings.
Over the years, I have developed my awareness and understand now how my thoughts create my feelings, and my feelings create my actions. So I took this opportunity to look deeper and learn more about myself, rather than blame someone else for my emotions.

 

I replayed the conversation in my head and then remembered how that made me feel. I identified the emotions I was feeling and then identified the thoughts that were causing those emotions.

What I realised, was that I was looking for some form of validation from this person and in the conversation I didn’t get it, I got the exact opposite.
My expectation was that I would get recognition for my good work and when I didn’t get it, my expectation wasn’t met and I made it mean all these negative things about who I was as a person.
When I really thought it through, I was putting all my ‘value’ on one person’s opinion.
I was searching for that external validation.
Now, I’m a firm believer that ‘No one else’s opinion of me, is any of my business’ and when this is a passing comment from an acquaintance, or some passing judgement from someone that doesn’t matter it can be easy to dismiss. But when it is someone you look up to and are looking to, to offer that validation, it’s not so easy to let it go.

I can count on one hand, the people’s opinions that really matter to me. People that really know me.

People that have seen me at my best, and seen me at my worst and still love me no matter what.
Not someone who looks at a bunch of numbers and passes judgement.
So if I turned it around to me, my feelings are a choice that I make and when I reviewed my own results from 2016, I was really proud of where I finished up and everything that I had achieved and that’s all that should matter.
I didn’t need someone else’s opinion, approval, or recognition to validate me.
I value myself and I am proud of who I am as a person. That’s what I choose to believe. I choose to believe in myself, in my power and my worth.
Sometimes we allow others opinions to affect us and sometimes we even take these opinions on, as our own beliefs. And sometimes these are people that don’t even matter to us, or people that don’t even have all the information, with no expert knowledge or experience. Yet we take on their words as gospel.
When I catch myself listening to someone’s opinion of me, I ask myself – “Does this person really know me? Have they walked a mile in my shoes? Will their opinion matter to me in 5 years time?”
And if the answer is no? It’s time to choose what I believe.
Sometimes, we shouldn’t believe everything we think either. Sometimes, we have to become the observer of our own mind, and decide if we believe the thoughts we are having.

So if someone pushes your buttons and puts you in a funk, take a moment to ask yourself why? What are you feeling as a result and what thoughts have created those feelings? If those thoughts are not serving you then discard them and choose the thoughts that empower you, lift you up and inspire you to be your best self.

I give up. Do you?

I give up.

I read over my first blog post and I just want you to know that it’s not all roses and rainbows. I didn’t wake up one day and life was brilliant.

It’s still a work in progress actually.

Yes there have been some amazing times in my life where I have experienced really high highs but I’ve also had some times where I’ve experienced some really low lows. Times where I quit.  Times where I gave up.

Gave up on myself, gave up on hope, gave up on wanting more, gave up on believing – in myself, or in anything.

Yes I have failed. Oh! Have I failed!?! And I’m sure I’m going to fail again and again. And I hope I do. It’s how I’ve learned to pick myself back up, to stick up for myself, to stand my ground, to apologize, to accept, to forgive and dust myself off and start again.

In my  career in sales, I’ve experienced rejection. I’ve been rejected.  Alot.

I’ve learnt how to get rejected really well. I’ve learnt how to not let rejection affect me anymore.

I’ve gone all in and I’ve still fallen flat on my face.

What changed you may ask?   I’ve learnt to be curious.

 

Curiosity makes things more fun, makes the rejection mean less. Makes the rejection mean less about me, and more about the other person or the larger situation at hand. Curiosity creates this sense of exploration that makes you ask why.  I now get curious about each thought or emotion I have and any decision or commitment I make.

So I got curious on giving up.

I gave up. I gave up on me, on love, on success. I even gave up on failure (that’s giving up before even trying just so I didn’t have to experience failure.)

And what I’ve learnt about giving up is that you stay where you are.

You get nowhere.

So trying something is still getting somewhere.

Doing nothing and expecting something different to happen is insanity.

So I started trying.

What is trying?  It’s the same as giving up. You can’t try to pick up a chair, you either do or you don’t.

So trying is almost expecting credit for not actually achieving anything.

So I did that for a while & then I realised that, that was also giving up.

Not committing, not deciding. Not going all in.

One day I was listening to a podcast* with a Life Coach and she was talking about honouring your commitments.

She talked about honouring MY commitments – not for other people, not for my  benefit or the benefit of others but to honour them for yourself. For your own self worth, for your own self belief.  To have your own back.

She talked about setting yourself up for success not failure. Setting up small milestones, small goals to achieve to build your self confidence and to prove to yourself that you could do it. Whatever the goal may be.

That sentence played on my mind for days to come and I realised I wasn’t honouring myself. I didn’t have my own back.

So I started off small. Really small. I honoured my decision to start getting out of bed in the morning earlier. So I set  my alarm 10 minutes earlier than normal and decided to get out of bed straight away. No snoozing. And I did that for a week, then I started with 20 minutes and found just how much nicer it was to start my day with more time to wake up and  set myself up for success and not be in a rush to get out the door.

I honoured myself by deciding to focus on the good things that happened throughout my day rather than the negative  ones . So I set a goal to finish the day with a grateful practice. Writing down or saying out loud three things that I was grateful for that day. And I found myself, throughout the day looking for the positive things in my life.

I honoured myself by committing to some form of exercise – just to move my body for 10 minutes three times a week. I mean I wouldn’t have called it fitness, but my previous goal of a gym workout, four times a week for an hour wasn’t happening. So I started smaller and worked my way up.

I noticed a difference in my sleep, in my patience levels throughout the day and just being out in nature really improved my outlook on some situations.  And once I took the pressure off myself to do a “workout” I found myself enjoying it and ending up doing 20-30 minutes of walking, running or yoga each time I started with 10 minutes.

I committed to honouring my body and avoiding all gluten and dairy foods.

Not for the weight loss or health benefits but because I was actually allergic and had ignored it for many years. I ate and drank it anyway and would get very lethargic and have stomach aches for hours and honouring this commitment to myself meant I no longer complained about being sick so regularly and found my energy levels improving.

Next, I honoured my “ME” time. Taking the time to do something I enjoyed once a week,  as long as it didn’t affect my other goals ( like eating a bag of donuts J (gluten))

And slowly but surely things became a little easier. I found that my mental resolve to stick to my guns and that actually fully committing meant that there was no longer a choice. There was no longer that inner argument of will I or wont I. It was just  “I don’t eat that anymore, I am an early riser, I enjoy my exercise because it is something I choose to do.”

My belief in myself improved and because I had proven to my mind and myself  that it was possible, it opened up so many more possibilities.

I started setting bigger goals and honouring those and achieving so much more. I became happier within myself and people even started to notice.

Again, it wasn’t all roses and rainbows but when I found myself falling back into old habits, I would ask myself two questions:

  1. Am I honouring my commitments and honouring myself?
  2. If I am 100% committed – is this something that will move me forward toward my goals?

 

Each day is a new chance to honour myself, and to have my own back.

Every day is also a new chance to fail, to fall flat on my face, a chance to learn a new lesson. But I’d rather fail then not have tried at all. Otherwise, what is life for?

If we’re one soul, here on earth, having a human experience, then I want to experience it all.

 

Everyone has a story.

Everyone has a story.

Everyone can talk about the journey of their life, about the experiences they have been

through, the adventures they’ve had, and the things that they’ve seen and done. This post is

going to be about where mine began, because it’s only fair that I share a little bit of myself with

you, if you’re trusting me with your stories too.

I grew up in a small country town, in a big Catholic family. I loved my childhood. I loved my

parents. I loved my brothers and sisters (I was number 5 of 6 children). Yet despite all that love

for what I had, I knew that as soon as I could I was getting out of that small town. I just knew

that I wanted more.

So I finished high school, I got a trade as a hairdresser, and then I got a job working on

American Cruise Liners. I was travelling the world!

From the moment I set foot on that first cruise ship, I was in my element. I had wanted a life of

adventure, and boy did I get exactly that! I loved everything about it – the hard work, the long

hours, the crazy parties, the adventures through foreign countries. Yet through all that, the best

part about it and the thing that I loved more than any of it, was the people.

I formed some amazing friendships – some that I still have to this very day. Friendships with

people from all over the world, from backgrounds both similar and so very different to my own.

Here’s the thing I’ve noticed though – my favourite memories from all those travels are the

social aspects of getting to know people. Of getting to hear their stories and learn about them,

about who they are and how they came to be that way. Those are the memories I cherish most

of all.

Of course amongst all of those wonderful experiences were some not-so- wonderful

experiences but I choose to focus on the good moments. I choose to relive the memories that

empower me, those memories that formed those beginnings of how I found myself and of how

I learned who I am as a human being.

Because after all, that’s where my story begins and I’m looking forward to sharing more of it

with you.