“You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With” – Jim Rohn
It is so important to surround yourself with people who lift you up, expect a high standard from you and bring out the best version of yourself. Otherwise, you find yourself accepting less. Less from yourself, less from others and eventually you find yourself unhappy in life, love and career.
Change is inevitable. We are slowly changing every day. Our bodies are changing, our mind is developing new reference points and our lives are transforming.
Each day our cells are changing. The lining of our stomach is renewed every few days, our colon cells die off every four days and are replaced with new ones, and we grow an entirely new skin every 2-3 weeks.
Whether the change for the good or for the worse, is up to you.
Change is inevitable. Growth is where the progress happens. And growth can happen every day – if you create it.
When I first read this quote by Jim Rohn, I was in a job I had grown to hate and was surrounded by people who accepted mediocre as great and negativity as the norm. And I realised that I had slowly but surely, slipped into the same mindset and expectation of life. And I was so unhappy for it.
One of our core fundamental needs as a human being in this world is to feel like we belong. To be a part of something. Call it pack mentality if you will.
So whether we are aware of it or not we actually adapt our breathing, movements, and behaviors to match the people around us. And this is what I had done. Become like those around me.
So think about the people you spend the most time with? How have you changed or adapted in their presence?
Every day we encounter mostly the same people, from our close family and friends, to our work colleagues.
Can you count the top 5 people you spend the most time with?
Do they lift you up? Inspire you to be your best self?
“Change can happen in an instant” – Tony Robbins
I know that you’re thinking. Well, I can’t just quit my job and stop spending time with my family even if they are negative. I know. I thought that too.
You cannot control other people or how they think. All you can do is control how you think, how you react and what you accept.
Once I realised I wanted my life to change, I went about creating new experiences, and surrounding myself with people who inspired me and had a thirst for life, like I did.
I started to limit the time I spent with the people I felt brought me down and started taking some time to think about how I allowed other peoples opinions of me, affect me.
I made new friends, learnt new things and gained a new perspective of how I wanted my life to look.
Before I knew it, I found my mindset start to change and then the people around me started to change as well.
“You get what you tolerate” – Henry Cloud
What you tolerate you allow. And I was allowing people to walk all over me. I was allowing other peoples expectations of me to lower my own expectations of myself. I allowed people to complain, whine and blame other people around me for their shitty lives. I allowed people to drain my energy and to use me as a scapegoat for their lack of happiness.
So I needed to work on my boundaries.
Setting personal boundaries can be liberating and stressful in the same sentence.
I have found the best advice about Boundaries, to come from Christine Hassler, on her podcast “Over it and on with it”. Christine explains that boundaries are not about telling people how to treat you, but how you will behave if a boundary condition is breached.
Like – ‘If you do this, then I will do this’ type scenario.
Such as – “If you speak to me like this( raise your voice, speak to me like I am a child) then I will not respond. I will only respond if you speak to be kindly and politely.”
I have found this to be quite effective, as you are not passing judgment on someone else’s behavior, rather just letting them know how you will react if they choose to do a certain behavior.
So once I was able to clarify my boundaries the relationships with friends and family started to change.
Some I have moved on from and some have changed so considerably that I now consider them to be some of my closest friends.
How can you place yourself in different circumstances and new environments to raise your own standard of living?
Sign up for a new class or course
Explore a new place or even your local environment
Set yourself a challenge
Attend events and gatherings where people you want to meet will be
This year, I decided would be a year of growth and progress for me. I invested time and money into my own personal development so I can be the best version of myself, hold space for my clients and show up for the people in my life that I value the most.
Health, personal development and growth in business were my key values to work on. So I signed up to New development classes, booked tickets to do 4 days with Anthony Robbins, Signed up for a Charity Fun run (first ever) and attended networking events and business masterminds. Some I have completed and some are yet to come and I have loved every minute of it. Even the awkward uncomfortable ones. I am still to do the Firewalk at Unleash the Power Within and even though I’m a little scared, I know and am so excited for the growth, change and self belief that this is going to create in me.
So what can you do this week to step outside your comfort zone? Where can you raise your standards and expect more from yourself and your life?
You only have one life to live.
So you may as well go big.
Here’s to you.