Where are you hiding out?

Recently, I had the privilege to attend an evening event with a power couple of the personal development world – Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles. #partnersinshine

If you haven’t checked these guys out on You tube/Facebook/Instagram yet please do – you will not regret it!

It was such an epic night, with so many learnings, so many ah-huh moments, so much laughter and yet so much realness. Like raw realness. What I love about this enlightened couple is that they are so passionate and real and not afraid to own up to their own shit. What do I mean by that?

Owning your own shit (stuff, issues, insecurities, weaknesses etc). Becoming aware enough to know and say – that’s my shit coming up. That’s me making excuses, that’s me giving up on myself, that’s my insecurities, that’s my fear, jealousy, guilt etc. That’s my Ego. We all have one and it shows up for us on a daily basis in different ways. And it drives our behaviour – if we let it.

By taking responsibility, owning up to it and bringing it into the light we are able to take our power back and instead of giving our power away , we can lean in and learn the lessons it is showing us.

In the hour and a half that I sat in their presence, there was so much goodness that would be impossible for me to share all of it so I’d just like to share my main takeaway’s from the night.

  1. Show up. Show up powerfully in your life.

In whatever you choose to do, as a partner, a mother, an employee, a friend, a daughter. Show up powerfully and be present and invested. We owe it to ourselves to be the best version of ourselves and show the world who we really are. And everything from there will be epic.

If more of us stopped trying to be something we think we should be, and focused on being more of ourselves, no matter what others thought, the world would be a happier place. The lesson I took from this is to stop trying to live someone else’s expectations, someone else’s idea of who I should be and just be who I choose to be. Also to show up in every aspect of my life, not just the areas I wanted to.

There is a role that I have in a business partnership that I recently felt had reached it’s lifespan and I wasn’t invested in anymore. I had started to really neglect my responsibilities in the partnership. After hearing this I realised I wasn’t showing up for the people I was working with fully. Even though I was telling myself that I didn’t have the energy or time for it, that I wanted to focus on other ventures, I decided to change my attitude and take responsibility for my contribution and started showing up fully. Just by showing up powerfully each day,  I was able to uncover new things to learn, new avenues that were beneficial, and have started to see the impact I have, just by sharing my knowledge and energy.  Just by showing up powerfully and I started to find enjoyment in the role again.

 

  1. How much is enough?

There are so many facets to this statement. How much is enough? Enough money, enough success, enough love, enough happiness? Knowing what success looks like for us is really important because so many people set themselves up to be successful and then when they achieve it they wonder, is this it?  And then we set the bar higher and knuckle down again to achieve the next goal. When sometimes we need to look inside and realise we are enough.

Sometimes, when we are trying to achieve success we set conditions to success and what emotions we will allow ourselves to feel based on those conditions.

I will feel sexy when I weigh this many kilos, I will feel successful when I make this much money, I will feel love when I have a boyfriend.  We are enough and we can experience the emotions we choose to experience on a daily basis without these conditions.

Can you remember the last time you felt sexy? Felt successful? Felt loved? Remember that – feel that? You see, we can create every emotion in our bodies whenever we choose, yet we’ve set these conditions and are telling ourselves “we will be enough when…”

So how much is enough for you?

 

  1. Where am I hiding out?

I love this. It’s such a real question! There’s no hiding from it.

Where in my life, right now, am I hiding out?

Where am I holding myself back, keeping myself out of the spotlight, for fear of failure, success or judgement?
We all have an area of our lives that we are hiding out from, whether it be taking a risk on a business, a promotion, a relationship, trying something new. For fear of what? So much of our realness is hidden in our self talk. We talk ourselves out of the great ideas we have and our brain creates such convincing arguments about why we shouldn’t do it. But what if we could? What if we pushed aside the negative self talk and stepped into our full potential and showed up powerfully?

I realised I was hiding out in achieving further success with my business as I wasn’t prepared to delve into more online platforms, and once I realised that i was holding myself back from the world I started to really look at the possibilities and now I am planning my new Online programs and creating a podcast to further reach my followers.

Just by owning up to the fear, addressing it and then saying….

 

  1. Fuck it, Let’s go!

Just do it. Take the action. There is no failure. Only feedback.

You owe it to yourself, to your teachers, your parents, your children, to the world.

So lean into your true potential and discover who the real you is and what you have to offer the world.

And believe me, you have a lot to offer the world.

So many people die with their music still in them. Don’t let that be you.

Thank you to Emily Gallagher @ConsciousBossClique for bringing this amazing event to the Gold Coast.

 

Where to next?

What are your goals for the future? Do you set goals?

Do you avoid setting goals or New Years resolutions because you have done it in the past, not achieved them and would rather spare yourself the disappointment ?

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of goal setting, out of this world big dream goal setting. It’s so much fun. Fun to let your mind run wild- oh the possibilities.

In my excitement, I’ve been chatting to so many people also about setting goals and have been so surprised to learn that not a lot of other people actually set real goals. Some didn’t even have any goals past getting through next week. so where to next?
If we don’t set goals are we telling ourselves ‘this is it?’.
Just hoping that things will get better.
During one of my coaching sessions with a client this week, we were trying to find some clarity around my clients goals. When I asked her about what her financial and career goals were, she was drawing a blank.
she had an idea. But just an idea. When I asked her for a specific concrete goal she couldn’t articulate it past just that, an idea.

So how will you know if you’ve achieved it? I asked.

I don’t know. She said.

And that is what I find, a large number of people are living their lives like.

I don’t know. I hope so.  Or I don’t hope, because I don’t want to be disappointed.

Last year I set some small goals for myself and when I pulled out that same notebook to review them, later in the year, I was really surprised how many of them I had actually achieved. With no set plan in place other than my writings of, this is what I want.

So at the beginning of this year I decided to go higher.

I planned out, step by step each goal into smaller little goals to achieve along the way. I did this in January, on a huge flip chart with arrows in the direction I wanted to go. I had this in my living room to see every day. By the end of February I had achieved all but two. All but 2. Wow! I hadn’t actually set a time line but really didn’t expect it to happen that quickly.
But it did. (Thanks Universe)

It made me wonder. Had I been working harder? Did I have more time? Had I been more focused?
I don’t think so.
I just knew where i wanted to go.
And in seeing it everyday, i was telling my brain what was important to me, and when I came home at the end of the day, I could see what the next step was. I’m a really visual person so this really worked for me.
So thinking about your life, if your life was a GPS in a car and you checked in every day to see where you are on your journey and where you wanted to go- do you think you’d reach your destination sooner?

Are you checking in everyday and saying “this is where I’m at” being unhappy with that and not setting your GPS up with a destination?

The best part about setting yourself goals is knowing and telling your brain that you want more.
You are telling your brain that where you are, is not where you want to be.

Your brain is extremely intelligent and will work for you, if you give it directions.
If you tell it to focus on all the negative things happening in your life it will continue to bring those things to your attention.
But if you tell it to focus on achieving the things you are set out to do in your life then it will go ahead and set to work, working in the back of your mind.
Bringing your attention to answers you require, things or people that will assist you in moving further ahead.
So set yourself up for an amazing life- set some big goals, dream big and then go back to the list on a regular basis and dream bigger again.

Last year I read a book about happiness and they suggested doing a 10 year plan. And I remember thinking, woah – too big. 10 years? Gees, I don’t know where i’ll be in 10years!

I gave it a go. It was hard, don’t get me wrong, but I kept it and kept updating it. At first, I had 10 years from now, what my age would be and what I wanted to have achieved by then, and then I worked backwards.
When you set it out like that, I was like, shit, I better get started now.

Don’t let your life slip past you, day to day, year to year, and wonder what have I achieved?

Set a goal and then make a plan.
Otherwise, it only ever will be just a dream.A dream you once had.
One day, is no day.

Start today. All you need to ask yourself is, where to next?

Expectation let down.

At the beginning of the year, I went to a business event and every year at this conference we usually review the previous year, celebrate the wins and reflect on our results. This year, I had an interaction with a person, who was a well respected leader in the group, that didn’t exactly meet up to my expectation of acknowledging and congratulating me on my results and so they triggered me in unexpected way.
I walked away from this conversation and experience feeling disappointed, angry and undervalued.
In the past,  from an interaction like this, I would have gone into a spiral of negativity, anger and have a total pity party.
“What about me? It isn’t fair” I can hear the song playing in my head now.

So from that one interaction, I somehow made it mean that:
– I didn’t matter
– I was insignificant
– My results were pointless
– I wasn’t being heard
– I was replaceable

All from one conversation.

Before I became aware of these thoughts, I went into quite an emotional funk and it took me almost a whole day to pull myself out. During the day though, I allowed my feelings to overcome me and I embodied the thoughts I was having.
– I cowered when being called upon in our group
– I kept quiet even when I had something to say
– I became introverted and shied away from further interactions
– I only spoke with my immediate group when normally I would speak to anyone

Since embarking on my journey of self development and self-coaching I thought I had come so far and yet I allowed myself to indulge in these feelings.
Over the years, I have developed my awareness and understand now how my thoughts create my feelings, and my feelings create my actions. So I took this opportunity to look deeper and learn more about myself, rather than blame someone else for my emotions.

 

I replayed the conversation in my head and then remembered how that made me feel. I identified the emotions I was feeling and then identified the thoughts that were causing those emotions.

What I realised, was that I was looking for some form of validation from this person and in the conversation I didn’t get it, I got the exact opposite.
My expectation was that I would get recognition for my good work and when I didn’t get it, my expectation wasn’t met and I made it mean all these negative things about who I was as a person.
When I really thought it through, I was putting all my ‘value’ on one person’s opinion.
I was searching for that external validation.
Now, I’m a firm believer that ‘No one else’s opinion of me, is any of my business’ and when this is a passing comment from an acquaintance, or some passing judgement from someone that doesn’t matter it can be easy to dismiss. But when it is someone you look up to and are looking to, to offer that validation, it’s not so easy to let it go.

I can count on one hand, the people’s opinions that really matter to me. People that really know me.

People that have seen me at my best, and seen me at my worst and still love me no matter what.
Not someone who looks at a bunch of numbers and passes judgement.
So if I turned it around to me, my feelings are a choice that I make and when I reviewed my own results from 2016, I was really proud of where I finished up and everything that I had achieved and that’s all that should matter.
I didn’t need someone else’s opinion, approval, or recognition to validate me.
I value myself and I am proud of who I am as a person. That’s what I choose to believe. I choose to believe in myself, in my power and my worth.
Sometimes we allow others opinions to affect us and sometimes we even take these opinions on, as our own beliefs. And sometimes these are people that don’t even matter to us, or people that don’t even have all the information, with no expert knowledge or experience. Yet we take on their words as gospel.
When I catch myself listening to someone’s opinion of me, I ask myself – “Does this person really know me? Have they walked a mile in my shoes? Will their opinion matter to me in 5 years time?”
And if the answer is no? It’s time to choose what I believe.
Sometimes, we shouldn’t believe everything we think either. Sometimes, we have to become the observer of our own mind, and decide if we believe the thoughts we are having.

So if someone pushes your buttons and puts you in a funk, take a moment to ask yourself why? What are you feeling as a result and what thoughts have created those feelings? If those thoughts are not serving you then discard them and choose the thoughts that empower you, lift you up and inspire you to be your best self.

I give up. Do you?

I give up.

I read over my first blog post and I just want you to know that it’s not all roses and rainbows. I didn’t wake up one day and life was brilliant.

It’s still a work in progress actually.

Yes there have been some amazing times in my life where I have experienced really high highs but I’ve also had some times where I’ve experienced some really low lows. Times where I quit.  Times where I gave up.

Gave up on myself, gave up on hope, gave up on wanting more, gave up on believing – in myself, or in anything.

Yes I have failed. Oh! Have I failed!?! And I’m sure I’m going to fail again and again. And I hope I do. It’s how I’ve learned to pick myself back up, to stick up for myself, to stand my ground, to apologize, to accept, to forgive and dust myself off and start again.

In my  career in sales, I’ve experienced rejection. I’ve been rejected.  Alot.

I’ve learnt how to get rejected really well. I’ve learnt how to not let rejection affect me anymore.

I’ve gone all in and I’ve still fallen flat on my face.

What changed you may ask?   I’ve learnt to be curious.

 

Curiosity makes things more fun, makes the rejection mean less. Makes the rejection mean less about me, and more about the other person or the larger situation at hand. Curiosity creates this sense of exploration that makes you ask why.  I now get curious about each thought or emotion I have and any decision or commitment I make.

So I got curious on giving up.

I gave up. I gave up on me, on love, on success. I even gave up on failure (that’s giving up before even trying just so I didn’t have to experience failure.)

And what I’ve learnt about giving up is that you stay where you are.

You get nowhere.

So trying something is still getting somewhere.

Doing nothing and expecting something different to happen is insanity.

So I started trying.

What is trying?  It’s the same as giving up. You can’t try to pick up a chair, you either do or you don’t.

So trying is almost expecting credit for not actually achieving anything.

So I did that for a while & then I realised that, that was also giving up.

Not committing, not deciding. Not going all in.

One day I was listening to a podcast* with a Life Coach and she was talking about honouring your commitments.

She talked about honouring MY commitments – not for other people, not for my  benefit or the benefit of others but to honour them for yourself. For your own self worth, for your own self belief.  To have your own back.

She talked about setting yourself up for success not failure. Setting up small milestones, small goals to achieve to build your self confidence and to prove to yourself that you could do it. Whatever the goal may be.

That sentence played on my mind for days to come and I realised I wasn’t honouring myself. I didn’t have my own back.

So I started off small. Really small. I honoured my decision to start getting out of bed in the morning earlier. So I set  my alarm 10 minutes earlier than normal and decided to get out of bed straight away. No snoozing. And I did that for a week, then I started with 20 minutes and found just how much nicer it was to start my day with more time to wake up and  set myself up for success and not be in a rush to get out the door.

I honoured myself by deciding to focus on the good things that happened throughout my day rather than the negative  ones . So I set a goal to finish the day with a grateful practice. Writing down or saying out loud three things that I was grateful for that day. And I found myself, throughout the day looking for the positive things in my life.

I honoured myself by committing to some form of exercise – just to move my body for 10 minutes three times a week. I mean I wouldn’t have called it fitness, but my previous goal of a gym workout, four times a week for an hour wasn’t happening. So I started smaller and worked my way up.

I noticed a difference in my sleep, in my patience levels throughout the day and just being out in nature really improved my outlook on some situations.  And once I took the pressure off myself to do a “workout” I found myself enjoying it and ending up doing 20-30 minutes of walking, running or yoga each time I started with 10 minutes.

I committed to honouring my body and avoiding all gluten and dairy foods.

Not for the weight loss or health benefits but because I was actually allergic and had ignored it for many years. I ate and drank it anyway and would get very lethargic and have stomach aches for hours and honouring this commitment to myself meant I no longer complained about being sick so regularly and found my energy levels improving.

Next, I honoured my “ME” time. Taking the time to do something I enjoyed once a week,  as long as it didn’t affect my other goals ( like eating a bag of donuts J (gluten))

And slowly but surely things became a little easier. I found that my mental resolve to stick to my guns and that actually fully committing meant that there was no longer a choice. There was no longer that inner argument of will I or wont I. It was just  “I don’t eat that anymore, I am an early riser, I enjoy my exercise because it is something I choose to do.”

My belief in myself improved and because I had proven to my mind and myself  that it was possible, it opened up so many more possibilities.

I started setting bigger goals and honouring those and achieving so much more. I became happier within myself and people even started to notice.

Again, it wasn’t all roses and rainbows but when I found myself falling back into old habits, I would ask myself two questions:

  1. Am I honouring my commitments and honouring myself?
  2. If I am 100% committed – is this something that will move me forward toward my goals?

 

Each day is a new chance to honour myself, and to have my own back.

Every day is also a new chance to fail, to fall flat on my face, a chance to learn a new lesson. But I’d rather fail then not have tried at all. Otherwise, what is life for?

If we’re one soul, here on earth, having a human experience, then I want to experience it all.

 

Everyone has a story.

Everyone has a story.

Everyone can talk about the journey of their life, about the experiences they have been

through, the adventures they’ve had, and the things that they’ve seen and done. This post is

going to be about where mine began, because it’s only fair that I share a little bit of myself with

you, if you’re trusting me with your stories too.

I grew up in a small country town, in a big Catholic family. I loved my childhood. I loved my

parents. I loved my brothers and sisters (I was number 5 of 6 children). Yet despite all that love

for what I had, I knew that as soon as I could I was getting out of that small town. I just knew

that I wanted more.

So I finished high school, I got a trade as a hairdresser, and then I got a job working on

American Cruise Liners. I was travelling the world!

From the moment I set foot on that first cruise ship, I was in my element. I had wanted a life of

adventure, and boy did I get exactly that! I loved everything about it – the hard work, the long

hours, the crazy parties, the adventures through foreign countries. Yet through all that, the best

part about it and the thing that I loved more than any of it, was the people.

I formed some amazing friendships – some that I still have to this very day. Friendships with

people from all over the world, from backgrounds both similar and so very different to my own.

Here’s the thing I’ve noticed though – my favourite memories from all those travels are the

social aspects of getting to know people. Of getting to hear their stories and learn about them,

about who they are and how they came to be that way. Those are the memories I cherish most

of all.

Of course amongst all of those wonderful experiences were some not-so- wonderful

experiences but I choose to focus on the good moments. I choose to relive the memories that

empower me, those memories that formed those beginnings of how I found myself and of how

I learned who I am as a human being.

Because after all, that’s where my story begins and I’m looking forward to sharing more of it

with you.