Have you discovered your purpose in life? I’d love to help you discover it, so here is how I discovered mine.
Tim Ferris – The Four Hour Work Week
Have you discovered your purpose in life? I’d love to help you discover it, so here is how I discovered mine.
Tim Ferris – The Four Hour Work Week
“You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With” – Jim Rohn
It is so important to surround yourself with people who lift you up, expect a high standard from you and bring out the best version of yourself. Otherwise, you find yourself accepting less. Less from yourself, less from others and eventually you find yourself unhappy in life, love and career.
Change is inevitable. We are slowly changing every day. Our bodies are changing, our mind is developing new reference points and our lives are transforming.
Each day our cells are changing. The lining of our stomach is renewed every few days, our colon cells die off every four days and are replaced with new ones, and we grow an entirely new skin every 2-3 weeks.
Whether the change for the good or for the worse, is up to you.
Change is inevitable. Growth is where the progress happens. And growth can happen every day – if you create it.
When I first read this quote by Jim Rohn, I was in a job I had grown to hate and was surrounded by people who accepted mediocre as great and negativity as the norm. And I realised that I had slowly but surely, slipped into the same mindset and expectation of life. And I was so unhappy for it.
One of our core fundamental needs as a human being in this world is to feel like we belong. To be a part of something. Call it pack mentality if you will.
So whether we are aware of it or not we actually adapt our breathing, movements, and behaviors to match the people around us. And this is what I had done. Become like those around me.
So think about the people you spend the most time with? How have you changed or adapted in their presence?
Every day we encounter mostly the same people, from our close family and friends, to our work colleagues.
Can you count the top 5 people you spend the most time with?
Do they lift you up? Inspire you to be your best self?
“Change can happen in an instant” – Tony Robbins
I know that you’re thinking. Well, I can’t just quit my job and stop spending time with my family even if they are negative. I know. I thought that too.
You cannot control other people or how they think. All you can do is control how you think, how you react and what you accept.
Once I realised I wanted my life to change, I went about creating new experiences, and surrounding myself with people who inspired me and had a thirst for life, like I did.
I started to limit the time I spent with the people I felt brought me down and started taking some time to think about how I allowed other peoples opinions of me, affect me.
I made new friends, learnt new things and gained a new perspective of how I wanted my life to look.
Before I knew it, I found my mindset start to change and then the people around me started to change as well.
“You get what you tolerate” – Henry Cloud
What you tolerate you allow. And I was allowing people to walk all over me. I was allowing other peoples expectations of me to lower my own expectations of myself. I allowed people to complain, whine and blame other people around me for their shitty lives. I allowed people to drain my energy and to use me as a scapegoat for their lack of happiness.
So I needed to work on my boundaries.
Setting personal boundaries can be liberating and stressful in the same sentence.
I have found the best advice about Boundaries, to come from Christine Hassler, on her podcast “Over it and on with it”. Christine explains that boundaries are not about telling people how to treat you, but how you will behave if a boundary condition is breached.
Like – ‘If you do this, then I will do this’ type scenario.
Such as – “If you speak to me like this( raise your voice, speak to me like I am a child) then I will not respond. I will only respond if you speak to be kindly and politely.”
I have found this to be quite effective, as you are not passing judgment on someone else’s behavior, rather just letting them know how you will react if they choose to do a certain behavior.
So once I was able to clarify my boundaries the relationships with friends and family started to change.
Some I have moved on from and some have changed so considerably that I now consider them to be some of my closest friends.
How can you place yourself in different circumstances and new environments to raise your own standard of living?
Sign up for a new class or course
Explore a new place or even your local environment
Set yourself a challenge
Attend events and gatherings where people you want to meet will be
This year, I decided would be a year of growth and progress for me. I invested time and money into my own personal development so I can be the best version of myself, hold space for my clients and show up for the people in my life that I value the most.
Health, personal development and growth in business were my key values to work on. So I signed up to New development classes, booked tickets to do 4 days with Anthony Robbins, Signed up for a Charity Fun run (first ever) and attended networking events and business masterminds. Some I have completed and some are yet to come and I have loved every minute of it. Even the awkward uncomfortable ones. I am still to do the Firewalk at Unleash the Power Within and even though I’m a little scared, I know and am so excited for the growth, change and self belief that this is going to create in me.
So what can you do this week to step outside your comfort zone? Where can you raise your standards and expect more from yourself and your life?
You only have one life to live.
So you may as well go big.
Here’s to you.
For a couple of months now, I’ve been thinking about starting a podcast. And it’s been playing in the back of my mind for a while because I absolutely love listening to podcasts.
It’s something that I do almost every day.
I spend a lot of time in the car, so that time is spent listening to amazing people tell interesting stories, hearing about people overcoming challenges and living extraordinary lives. Podcasts allow me to make the most of the time in the car, learning valuable lessons from successful people all over the world.
Learning from people who have come before me, opening up my mind to a new perspective allows me to take new knowledge and new inspirations into my day.
I prefer Podcasts, to listening to the radio because the radio can become very monotonous and mind-numbing.
You can choose any topic and I guarantee you will find a podcast about it, with very interesting people. It has become one of favorite pastimes, listening to the likes of Lewis Howes, Lori Harder, Brooke Castillo, Sophia Amoruso and Tony Robbins, just to name a few.
So I thought to myself, I want to create a Podcast.
So I thought, what would it be about? Who would it be for? What type of content would I have? Who would I like to interview?
Once I answered these questions, I was able to create a list of people I would like to collaborate with and then that gave me my answer, of what my podcast would be.
I have never recorded a podcast or done anything like this before. I have no idea what I am doing.
And just as I had that thought my mind took me back to my highschool days where I took a extra curricular class on “How to speak (become an announcer) for Radio”.
It’s so funny how life brings it all back around. I remember I really liked that class, not that I ever wanted to be a Radio Announcer. Yet, now as I recall that memory, how useful it was. I even remember the breathing exercises and speaking activities we did to prepare. How amazing is our brain to recall such a memory I had not thought of in over 15 years.
So I went about my way to figure out everything I would need to create a podcast:
– Ordered a Microphone on Ebay
– Listened to other Podcasts on how to record a Podcast
– Downloaded the Audacity program to record said podcast
– Created some mock ups of Cover images for the podcast on Canva
– Started creating a list of episode Ideas
– Watched a couple of You Tube Videos for extra how to’s
– Watched videos on how to promote the podcast
– Read some articles on how to upload to iTunes and Soundcloud
– Searched and found some music to use for Intro and outro
This was all over about a month and the idea just percolated in the back of my mind for a while.
There was something holding me back from actually doing the podcast. There was a little fear coming up around it. I wasn’t sure this was something I could do and be successful at.
And I kept thinking, “who am I to create a podcast? Who am I to go and do what all these other more qualified people are doing?
Would I be just copying other people? Or what could I possibly teach other people and who the hell would want to listen to me?”
Through all the clients I have coached through similar situations, I am aware that this is just a little bit of fear showing up. And also an aspect of the Imposter syndrome. The feeling of being found out a fraud. That people are going to find out that I don’t know what I’m talking about, or that I have no idea or that I know anything about business or whatever else the little inner critic wants to throw at me.
Thoughts like that can be very damaging to our confidence, self esteem and detrimental to our goals.
So the idea just sat there in the back of my mind for a little while, and I talked about it with a couple of people and they had some really great encouragement for me, saying “Go ahead you should totally do that.” But I didn’t get any closer to recording anything. That microphone was looking pretty lonely on my desk at home.
A couple of weeks later, as the universe likes to conspire for you when you have great ideas – I was listening to the radio one-day instead of a podcast and an ad came on about a competition for up-and-coming podcasts! Hello!
So that day, I got home and looked into the competition. I had 3 weeks to get it done.
So do you know what I did? I waited another 2 weeks before doing anything.
Nothing like a deadline to push through the procrastination. So I thought, the only way to push past my fear was to face it head on.
I researched more about the Imposter Syndrome and even found quite a few famous people that had come across it. Emma Watson, Tina Fey, Kate Winslet and Michelle Pfeiffer, amazingly successful female actresses that have reportedly struggled with the Imposter syndrome.
“[N]ow when I receive recognition for my acting, I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I tend to turn in on myself,” she admits. “I feel like an imposter.” Emma Watson
“I didn’t come from Juilliard,” she said of her acting beginnings in 1978. “I was just getting by and learning in front of the world. So I’ve always had this feeling that one day they’re going to find out that I’m really a fraud, that I really don’t know what I’m doing.” Michelle Pfeiffer.
“The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’
“So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud.” Tiny Fey
So what is the Imposter Syndrome?
According to Wikipedia:
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
I don’t believe you have to be a high-achieving individual, I believe that anyone wanting to create something new, push themselves out of their comfort zone or put themselves out there have experienced this at some point in their lives.
I don’t know what I’m doing
I don’t know how to do this
I don’t have the skills
I don’t have the ability
I don’t have the talent
I don’t have the knowledge
I don’t have the charisma… the confidence…. the qualifications…. the reputation.
All of the above.
So the question is – how do we overcome this? How do I push past the fear and achieve the things we want to achieve without the feeling of not being worthy or like we are going to be found out a fraud?
In the words of Tina Fey, she deals with it, kind of like riding a rollercoaster. Understanding that it’s gonna happen, there are going to be times we feel like that and being able to acknowledge the thought and allow it to pass by and still get on with the game. Being able to focus on what you want to achieve and get it done. Push past the fear, acknowledge the thoughts and choose more empowering ones to overcome it.
What thoughts pull you out of the imposter syndrome and create the motivation to keep going? That would be empowering, so we feel like it is something that, we could achieve?
I believe in myself
I have life experience to teach and expand for other people to learn new things
I believe the message I have to share is relevant and important
I believe that the right person will hear what I have to say and it will make a difference in their lives
If believe I am just as worthy as any one else in this field
And if I do do it and someone called me a fraud could I handle that?
What is the meaning of a fraud?
Something involving criminal activity or fraudulent behaviour involving deception of some kind.
I hold a high enough standard for myself to know that I will not perform any kind of criminal activity or ask for credit for other people’s achievements or activities.
I want to have my own voice, I want to share my stories and share stories of others from their words so that others can have insight into their lessons and create inspiring moments to change their own lives.
Where in your life do you experience the Impostor syndrome? Have you ever experienced feeling like a fraud? Feeling like you may be found out? Feeling like you don’t deserve what you want?
There is enough in this world for everybody.
There is no need for us to believe that we don’t have a voice or we don’t deserve to be heard.
Change the dialogue in your mind and things will change.
Focus on what you can bring to the table, how you can add value, how you can support other people in life.
Take yourself out of the equation, do it for the love, the mission and the bigger picture.
And stop comparing yourself to anyone else.
Allow yourself to make mistakes. This does not make you wrong, or a failure, and does not make you a fraud.
Failure is just a little bit of feedback. Being able to notice failure as feedback rather than making yourself wrong, helps you to overcome and move forward.
When the weatherman gets it wrong, we don’t call him a fraud and tell him he can never never do the weather again!
When a scientist doing an experiment has something go wrong, does that make them a fraud? If they they fail that experiment 17,000 times before they find the right way that works, they were never an impostor or a failure.
You just get back up and give something new a go.
Choose to believe that you deserve the success, as much as the next person.
We were all born deserving. We were all born with the ability to be our unique selves.
When a new baby is born, we don’t look at that brand new baby and decide what he deserves in life.
So how ever old you are now, you are no less worthy than the day you were born.
Remind yourself of that.
Be more you. The world needs more people who are willing to be themselves, be true to who they are and be upfront and honest about that. Find what you love to do and go do that.
So I recorded my first podcast from beginning to end in three takes. I had goosebumps and butterflies in my stomach, I was short of breath and nervous but I pushed through and I got it done.
And when I was finished, I entered it into the competition and I was beaming from ear to ear.
So exciting times! I’m about to launch a new podcast..
It will be called The Next Level Life Podcast and it’s going to cover exciting topics, have amazing guest speakers and hopefully bring you a new perspective into creating a happy and successful life and business.
I hope that you will listen. Launch date coming soon. I will keep you posted.
Now go find what you love to do, push past the fear and take your life to the next level!
For the past 6 years, I have worked with amazing business women, supporting them in achieving their business goals and dreams. We work on everything from analyzing their business performance, their ideal target market, marketing, their profit and loss, their staff’s performance, product sell through, ways to bring in new clients and to build on their existing clientele- all ways to grow their business.
Out of the 100 or so businesses I worked with on a regular basis, I loved seeing how excited these owners would become when things started to work for them. I loved how they took the ideas we created and ran with them and achieved the success they were looking for. Yet, there was always a small percentage of owners that struggled implementing and executing the same success.
What fascinated me the most was, how some owners that were given the same information, same great ideas and yet, didn’t have nearly the same success.They second guessed themselves, they blamed their staff, the market, they found any excuse that may justify why things weren’t working and found that no matter what they tried, it just didn’t work.
Personally, I love to see people succeed and so this really frustrated me. I didn’t know what else I could do and I felt like I wasn’t serving them the best I could. I didn’t understand why some people made it happen and created such amazing momentum and then others didn’t?
What was the difference? What makes someone successful?
I have always been an avid learner, I believe we are always growing and I am always working on improving myself.
So I began researching ways to be successful in business and life to find some new solutions. I started studying successful business people, and what worked for them. I invested in myself, and my education going to conferences and events and then came back to share my knowledge with these women.
But what I discovered was that no matter what I learnt, no matter what solutions I suggested “You can lead a horse to water… but you can’t make it drink.”
What was I missing? What drives people to achieve the success??
Firstly, I looked into Edisc Behavioral Profiling and I loved it! It helped me understand why I do what I do, why I see things the way I do and what motivates and drives other people.
Behavioral Profiling assisted me to better understand people’s communication styles, what motivated them and how they processed information.
How important is communication in business? Huge right??
My business owners loved these training’s! It helped them understand their team better, their clients and how better to communicate to be on the same page with their customers to get amazing results.
So I had the business aspect down pat, my owners were interacting better with their team and they were working toward their goals.
Like everything in life, things change. We come up against challenges and how we handle these challenges can either make or break a business.
So where some women came up against adversity and took it head on, moved through it and learnt from the experience, others headbutted the wall and told themselves they wouldn’t be able to get over it and then proved themselves right.
One of my favourite quotes is one by Jim Rohn –
“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”
From here, I wanted to know why. I wanted to know, how I could assist my clients to get better, be more wise and learn new skills to be more successful? How can I teach them to fail fast and then learn that failure is just feedback?
So I delved into studying human behavior through Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Life Coaching and Matrix Therapy and how our thoughts create our feelings and our emotions ultimately are creating our results in life.
Through studying successful people, this is what I’ve observed and discovered:
– They set big dream busting goals and revisited them on a regular basis
– They saw their business as an entity outside of themselves.
– They were able to be objective from a space outside the business. This kept them less emotionally connected to the outcome.
– They took failure as feedback. They don’t make it mean anything about themselves as a person like “I’m a failure”, if things don’t work out. This helped them make business decisions based on what the business needed, not what they felt like doing.
– They’re flexible- if something doesn’t work they try something else. If a promotion didn’t work they look at why, how, what they can do differently next time. They look at what they can learn from it and move on.
– They take responsibility for their part. They take care of their energy, their communication and look at the big picture not just the daily frustrations.
– They always had a list of options. Business is like a game of football- There’s always another play, another game, another technique. There’s no room for giving up, and resting on your laurels
– They believe in their ability to succeed
– They don’t compare themselves to anyone else.
It’s all mindset. The difference being making a choice to progress. It all came down to their thoughts.
It was the difference between above the line or below the line thinking. Above the line thinking is very solution focused and positive and Below the line thinking is where we blame, justify and deny what is happening and stay in the victim mentality.
Here is a little insight into each area:
So if you are feeling a little stuck and unhappy with where your business is at right now and would like to achieve more success. How could you adopt the Above the line thinking to assist you in moving forward?
Are there areas where maybe you feel you are thinking below the line? Sometimes I find myself in this way of thinking when things aren’t going my way and I just use this as a reminder to keep my thinking in check.
Am I focused on the problem or the solution? Am I looking for the possibilities or am I sticking my head in the sand?
We are all a work in progress and if you choose to learn anything from successful people around you then try and understand their behaviors and their thinking patterns and then model those for success.
I guarantee you will find amazing solutions, open up new possibilities and find the success you are looking for.
Here’s to your success,
My hands were shaking, I was short of breath, a light sweat had broken out on my forehead and I was stumbling over my words. I had butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I was going to be sick.
And as I looked down at my shaking hands, I smiled and I thought to myself, “Yes, Finally!”
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like this. It’s been a while since I’ve been this excited and scared about something at the same time.
And that’s why I know it’s right. I’m on the right track and celebrating every win along the way.
I’m stepping up, stepping out and reaching out. Saying to the universe, I’m ready and Let’s go!
I’m committing, there’s no back up plan, I’m going all in. The Universe is sending me little signs along the way and I’m saying thank you for every one.
Explore every path
This has become my motto. If something isn’t working, I ask myself – how can I get better? How can I get bigger than my problem? How can I learn more, be more? What can I do differently? Who can I reach out to, to help keep me moving forward?
In this day and age, there are no limits to what is possible. People are doing business differently, no brick and mortar, no rules, and sometimes not even profit. They’re doing it to make a difference, an impact, to give back, to create something new, creating new niches as they go.
People are making millions with network marketing companies, new apps and social media sites every day.
Possibility isn’t the question. It may be possible. What is it that stops us from achieving our biggest goals?
Along the way we come up against blocks that hold us back. Our mind traps us. It says, you can’t do that, that’s not how it’s been done before, what will people say, that’s won’t work, you’re gonna fail. No one will listen to you. Just go back to your 9-5.
But that’s all it is. A trap. A safe trap. A comfort trap. Stay comfortable, it says, stay inside, you’ll be safe here, no one will judge you. You won’t fail if you don’t try.
But you see, I think that’s where the failure is. In the safety, in the non-doing, in staying in your comfort zone and doing what everyone else has done. Failure is in the not trying and in the not stepping out.
In my opinion, the scary part is – what if you don’t?
What if you don’t try and stay exactly where you are right now. In your comfort zone, in your non-doing? What if you stayed where you are for the next 10 years? Would you be happy with that?
I know I wouldn’t. So I live for that fear, that feeling of anxiety, that not knowing what is going to happen next and have faith that it will all work out the way it’s supposed to. All I know is – that’s gotta be better than not trying.
” Feel the fear and do it anyway” – Susan Jeffers
Feel the fear. We all know the feeling of fear, as it holds us back from speaking up, jumping in and stepping up. Our heartbeat races, we hold our breath, our skin prickles, our body tenses, an uneasy feeling in our stomach arises and our senses are heightened.
But what if the feeling of fear was actually just excitement? How is the feeling different?
Our heartbeat races, our skin prickles, our body tenses, we get butterflies in our stomach and our senses are heightened. What if the sensation of fear in our body was the same as excitement? What’s the difference?
There are two main differences, and these are totally within our control.
Firstly, instead of holding our breath, our breathing quickens when we are excited.
So just remember to Breathe.
And secondly, the thoughts we have about that feeling in our body is what give it meaning.
What are we telling ourselves about that feeling? Are we scared? Or are we excited?
Sometimes our brain can take over and hold us in a fear state when it believes we are in danger. This is just old caveman programming and the best way to avoid this is to ask ourselves – am I in danger right now? No? Then maybe that fear is not fear at all, maybe it’s actually excitement.
If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure if you can do it, SAY YES, then learn how to do it later. – Richard Branson
Where in your life have you let fear hold you back? Where have you let it stop you in saying yes?
How can you step out of fear and allow yourself to get excited and jump?
Be open to every opportunity, even if you think it may not be perfect. It could be just what you need.
Be Open. Be Excited. Jump.
Even if you’re scared.
What are your beliefs about Money? I know you have some, we all do. Money is evil? Money is dirty. Money is scarce. I never have enough money. I can’t afford that. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Sound familiar? Yeah we all have a few of them.
Did you know that our beliefs subconsciously drive our behavior? Even though we sometimes don’t consciously think – Money is dirty. We get a feeling toward it and that can drive our behavior to push it away or draw in toward us.
So where do your beliefs come from? Do you actually believe them? Are they actually true?
Were the beliefs yours to begin with or are you following in the footsteps of your parents? Money beliefs can come from anywhere, a past experience, something someone told you, an ad on TV, Facebook, or a Magazine. And once you’ve picked up this belief your brain will look for evidence in your every day life to prove it to you. Which then in turn, reinforces the belief. Every day your beliefs are driving your actions and affecting every decision you make.
How are your beliefs holding you back?
When I purchased my first home, I had this belief that from the moment of owning your own home, you would have no extra money to do anything. I had heard from a few people in my life that owning a home meant you would have no money to play with. I believed that for the first year of owning my home I would struggle. “The first year is the hardest” I’d been told and I never thought to question that belief. And so as it was, the first year was the hardest. I struggled to make ends meet, my social life was non existent, I never had money to go out for dinner, the movies, dancing and don’t even mention travel. I just kept watching the next bill arrive and the next bill arrive and sadly watching my money go. I remember thinking, there are so many unexpected expenses to owning your own home. This was supposed to be a life long dream, better than renting they said, why did I even bother?
Before I knew it the first year had rolled by and I was like, “Wow! I survived my first year! Things should get easier now.”
And they did. It was almost instant. All of a sudden I just had more money. More cash in my wallet and more money to play with in my account. And that’s when I started to question my beliefs. At no time, during that first year, did I ever ask myself – How can I earn more money? How can I save on my spending? I was so focused on all the bills and how owning a first home meant I would be struggling – it had become a self fulfilling prophecy.
It was like a cloud was lifted and I started to think outside the box. If I really wanted to, I could find plenty of ways to earn extra money.
At the time, I worked in a commission based Sales job – all I had to do was sell more and bring on new business, or I could have even offered to do Haircuts/colours for friends and family (I am a qualified hairdresser) at home for extra cash.
None of that even crossed my mind the year before. Wow, the power of beliefs.
So where are your belief’s about money holding you back? And how do we go about changing them?
Firstly, take a moment to write down what money means to you. Whatever comes to mind first, try not to think too much into it.
Try finishing these three sentences:
Money will be….
These should come up with a few of your money beliefs. Then ask yourself – who’s voice is it in my head?
Is it yours? Your mum, dad, friend etc? Could this possibly be someone else’s belief that you have adopted?
If you think that maybe your money mindset could do with an update, here are a few simple things you can change in your every day life to help change your beliefs:
Money doesn’t have to be the source all things bad. Focusing on what you don’t have will only create more of what you don’t want. There are so many great things we have access to that don’t cost a thing – laughter, love, kindness, sunlight, the air we breathe, and so much more. Money doesn’t deserve your negativity, it’s done nothing wrong. Be kind to money and it will be kind to you.
So I’ve cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the floors, made the beds, had two cups of coffee and cleaned the bench tops. I even cleaned the drains in every sink in the house. I’ve scrolled through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and even LinkedIn. I’ve tidied up my files on my desk and set out all the resources I need to get started. I’ve listened to two podcasts to get in the right head space and I’ve already wasted 2 hours. Procrastination shows up for everyone differently. I know I should be working on my next blog posts. I know I should start making a plan for my next workshops and be creating content for my online programs but something is stopping me.
I check my emails again – nothing new. I delete my junk mail folder, I rearrange the apps on my phone and delete the ones I haven’t used in a while. And still I can’t find the motivation to get started.
I know I should get started but I keep getting distracted by other non important things that take my attention away from my tasks.
So i stop and tell myself -OK Enough – get started. So I go through my resources and figure out what to focus on first.
Then my phone chimes. A message from a friend, I better reply now or I’ll forget about it later.
20 minutes later, I’ve filled up my water, been to the bathroom, got my laptop open, and am changing content on my website.
Still no closer to getting started. I think, maybe it’s because I don’t have a deadline? I work well under pressure when I “have to” get shit done. Arrh. Well that’s not going to help me now either.
So what is procrastination? I google the meaning:
Procrastination; It is the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, or carrying out less urgent tasks instead of more urgent ones, thus putting off impending tasks to a later time. Sometimes,procrastination takes place until the “last minute” before a deadline.
Well, great. Thanks Google. Now I’m procrastinating about procrastinating. The struggle is real.
We all have times where we allow procrastination to distract us from achieving our goals. A lot of my clients have this problem, so I want to share with you, lessons I have learnt and what I go through with them to keep them moving forward on their goals.
Find one that works for you in the moment and move yourself past or through procrastination and resistance.
So here are my top 5 – tried and tested methods for moving past procrastination.
And Lastly. Thank it. Thank the procrastination for the lesson it is teaching you, because this is what is going to take you to the next level. To your next level of confidence, next level of potential – coz let’s get real, you wouldn’t be procrastinating if it wasn’t important.
If you find these helpful, please let me know and please share with a friend to assist in their struggle too.
Cool, now what’s next on my list?
*Unconscious Patterns – when you find yourself scrolling through Facebook blindly and 20 minutes have passed and you didn’t even realize, then you’ve slipped into a pattern of behavior that subconsciously you have done may times before and requires no energy/dopamine to consciously think about doing.
*Automate – prepare your mornings the night before, decide what you are having for breakfast, what you plan to wear, your routine etc anything where you need to make decisions – pre-decide and plan ahead so your mornings run on autopilot.
Sexual assault, suicide, rape, depression, bullying and the effects social media has on our mental health. These are just some of the themes in the new Netflix teen drama “13 Reasons Why”.
I got so hooked on it, I watched all 13 episodes in a weekend.
Talk about Netflix binge– so much sloth time.
The creators of the series were not afraid about bringing up these strong and important issues in our society and as all good dramas go these days, it was very graphic and suspenseful. Yet very real life.
The shows themes reminded me of some really dark times in my life and here’s the problem with binge watching – your brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination or reality when it comes to feeling the emotions and the effect that that can have on us.
I don’t think there is anyone that has not been directly or indirectly affected by one or more of these themes in their lives. And I think it’s really important to bring these issues into the light because there is such a stigma around them and, the more we talk about them, the more people will feel comfortable coming forward or reaching out when they need help.
This series was really graphic, real and raw. Especially the suicide scene where the main character Hannah, slit her wrists in a bathtub (which I just couldn’t watch), as well as the rape she witnesses and then her brutal rape. (sorry spoiler alert).
After the series I watched the interview with the directors and cast which helped me understand why they decided to show it in such graphic detail.
In today’s society, we see violence everywhere, we can’t even turn on the news without hearing or seeing violent graphic scenes happening in real life. We are numb to such graphic detail and I believe there is a romancing around the topic of suicide. So the suicide scene is very graphic and I believe they needed to create that shock value to highlight that suicide is not pretty. It’s not a beautiful experience, it’s not easy, it’s not something that people choose lightly and it certainly leaves an aftermath of trauma to those left behind as well.
I think “13 Reasons Why” really highlights this fact.
When someone is in such a deep depression, when the pain is that difficult, that they just cannot take another day of life and they think that suicide is their only way out, the last thing they are doing is thinking about the after effects to those around them.
And by no means, do I mean suicide is selfish, I just mean when you are experiencing those dark emotions it can be all consuming.
If anything, they may think people in their lives will be better off without them and life will go on.
But for so many of us, it doesn’t. We are left wondering, fearing why and left in despair, grief and loss. I respect the way the show details how Hannah’s suicide affects not only her family, but her friends, the whole school and all those around her. That, for those affected, life does not go on the same and even though she thought that no one would care she was gone, she touched so many peoples’ lives that she didn’t even realise. And I hope that anyone who watches this show, see’s that and starts to think how their life matters and how everything we do affects those around us.
So the emotions I was experiencing watching these powerful episodes, were real. Real in my body, in my heart, and in my mind. It’s like when you watch a horror movie. In those peak moments you are terrified. Your mind and body go into a state of fear. You cannot move, your body is frozen. In this moment, your brain has a chemical reaction to those emotions and believes it is in a state of danger. It goes into “Fight or Flight” mode and prepares to protect itself.
In this moment, the brain believes there is a threat to our safety. We cannot think of anything else because the blood rushes from our brain to our extremities and prepares us to fight or run from danger. So even though we are watching this on our TV Screens, and there is no direct threat, we are still experiencing the emotions, reminding us of past experiences and referencing times in our lives when we felt like the characters we are watching. It is very real to us and to our brains. And when we repeatedly experience these emotions, they can become a pattern that is difficult to pull ourselves out of.
This show brought up so many references and experiences for me. It re-awoke some old emotions, bad habits and negative thoughts that flung me into waves of emotion that affected me for days to come. I know people say, what you don’t deal with at the time, will come back to haunt you, and boy- did it. Feelings of regret, loss, anger, powerlessness, hurt, sadness, guilt and shame. Feelings that I just didn’t know what to do with, so my brain, doing everything it can to keep me safe – played old patterns of behaviour to create feelings of comfort and safety. This turned out to be, me bingeing on comfort food, drinking alcohol, more binge watching, slothing on the couch, shopping for unnecessary items and staying hidden from the outside world.
Trying anything to make myself feel better. These are all effective ways to distract the mind from feeling the actual feelings. All ways of buffering. All ways of avoiding actually dealing with the emotions. And it was days later that I was talking on the phone to my sister that I realised, I was in such a bad mood that I was even starting to push people away.
So I stopped and retraced my steps. I took some time out to figure out what was going on in my head.
I asked myself – Why was I feeling this way? What was I telling myself? What was I telling myself about past events, about myself in those past events? What old emotions was I holding onto and what was I not willing to let go of?
I reached out to a friend and reconnected. I voiced what was going on for me, and just in that moment of putting feelings into words, I started feeling better again. I followed that up with some release writing (20 minutes of writing without purpose – just putting my thoughts into words on paper and then throwing it out). And before I knew it, I was starting to feel like myself again.
This may not work for everyone, but it works for me. I have done some really deep thought work with a Coach to help resolve some of those old emotions that no longer serve me and created some really effective daily practices that set me up to feel the emotions I do want to experience. But that doesn’t mean I will never experience them again. It just means I have a choice. A choice to feel the emotions I choose to and understand when old negative thoughts or old emotional habits start to affect me. Sometimes it can be a daily practice, an awareness or a refocusing that helps me get back on track.
If you are feeling disconnected, or alone – please reach out to a friend and ask them the questions you wish someone would ask you. Connect. If not a friend, then a hotline, there are so many services available.
If you are feeling unloved – Reach out to someone and show them some love. Just the act of showing love to someone will give you the feeling of love in return.
If you are feeling judged or hurt – Reach out and be kind to another person, and listen to their story.
If you are feeling misunderstood – reach out and learn about another person who has been misunderstood. And try to understand someone else’s point of view, that is different to yours. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
The important part is that you reach out and take care of yourself and your own mental health.
Once you see something you cannot unsee it, so choose your TV Shows, Movies, news feeds, and interactions with certain people carefully.
It is so important that we take care of our minds. Take mindfulness seriously, as it can change your life.
Life can be hard sometimes. But without the hard times, how will we know what the good times are? We need the dark, to notice the light, and we need to feel sad to know what happiness feels like.
The hard times make us stronger and the good times show us it’s all worth it.
You never really know what’s going on for someone else, so please be kind.
And if you are in need, please reach out and talk to someone.
Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36
Life line Australia – 13 11 14
Headspace – 1800 650 890
Recently, I had the privilege to attend an evening event with a power couple of the personal development world – Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles. #partnersinshine
If you haven’t checked these guys out on You tube/Facebook/Instagram yet please do – you will not regret it!
It was such an epic night, with so many learnings, so many ah-huh moments, so much laughter and yet so much realness. Like raw realness. What I love about this enlightened couple is that they are so passionate and real and not afraid to own up to their own shit. What do I mean by that?
Owning your own shit (stuff, issues, insecurities, weaknesses etc). Becoming aware enough to know and say – that’s my shit coming up. That’s me making excuses, that’s me giving up on myself, that’s my insecurities, that’s my fear, jealousy, guilt etc. That’s my Ego. We all have one and it shows up for us on a daily basis in different ways. And it drives our behaviour – if we let it.
By taking responsibility, owning up to it and bringing it into the light we are able to take our power back and instead of giving our power away , we can lean in and learn the lessons it is showing us.
In the hour and a half that I sat in their presence, there was so much goodness that would be impossible for me to share all of it so I’d just like to share my main takeaway’s from the night.
In whatever you choose to do, as a partner, a mother, an employee, a friend, a daughter. Show up powerfully and be present and invested. We owe it to ourselves to be the best version of ourselves and show the world who we really are. And everything from there will be epic.
If more of us stopped trying to be something we think we should be, and focused on being more of ourselves, no matter what others thought, the world would be a happier place. The lesson I took from this is to stop trying to live someone else’s expectations, someone else’s idea of who I should be and just be who I choose to be. Also to show up in every aspect of my life, not just the areas I wanted to.
There is a role that I have in a business partnership that I recently felt had reached it’s lifespan and I wasn’t invested in anymore. I had started to really neglect my responsibilities in the partnership. After hearing this I realised I wasn’t showing up for the people I was working with fully. Even though I was telling myself that I didn’t have the energy or time for it, that I wanted to focus on other ventures, I decided to change my attitude and take responsibility for my contribution and started showing up fully. Just by showing up powerfully each day, I was able to uncover new things to learn, new avenues that were beneficial, and have started to see the impact I have, just by sharing my knowledge and energy. Just by showing up powerfully and I started to find enjoyment in the role again.
There are so many facets to this statement. How much is enough? Enough money, enough success, enough love, enough happiness? Knowing what success looks like for us is really important because so many people set themselves up to be successful and then when they achieve it they wonder, is this it? And then we set the bar higher and knuckle down again to achieve the next goal. When sometimes we need to look inside and realise we are enough.
Sometimes, when we are trying to achieve success we set conditions to success and what emotions we will allow ourselves to feel based on those conditions.
I will feel sexy when I weigh this many kilos, I will feel successful when I make this much money, I will feel love when I have a boyfriend. We are enough and we can experience the emotions we choose to experience on a daily basis without these conditions.
Can you remember the last time you felt sexy? Felt successful? Felt loved? Remember that – feel that? You see, we can create every emotion in our bodies whenever we choose, yet we’ve set these conditions and are telling ourselves “we will be enough when…”
So how much is enough for you?
I love this. It’s such a real question! There’s no hiding from it.
Where in my life, right now, am I hiding out?
Where am I holding myself back, keeping myself out of the spotlight, for fear of failure, success or judgement?
We all have an area of our lives that we are hiding out from, whether it be taking a risk on a business, a promotion, a relationship, trying something new. For fear of what? So much of our realness is hidden in our self talk. We talk ourselves out of the great ideas we have and our brain creates such convincing arguments about why we shouldn’t do it. But what if we could? What if we pushed aside the negative self talk and stepped into our full potential and showed up powerfully?
I realised I was hiding out in achieving further success with my business as I wasn’t prepared to delve into more online platforms, and once I realised that i was holding myself back from the world I started to really look at the possibilities and now I am planning my new Online programs and creating a podcast to further reach my followers.
Just by owning up to the fear, addressing it and then saying….
Just do it. Take the action. There is no failure. Only feedback.
You owe it to yourself, to your teachers, your parents, your children, to the world.
So lean into your true potential and discover who the real you is and what you have to offer the world.
And believe me, you have a lot to offer the world.
So many people die with their music still in them. Don’t let that be you.
Thank you to Emily Gallagher @ConsciousBossClique for bringing this amazing event to the Gold Coast.
What are your goals for the future? Do you set goals?
Do you avoid setting goals or New Years resolutions because you have done it in the past, not achieved them and would rather spare yourself the disappointment ?
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of goal setting, out of this world big dream goal setting. It’s so much fun. Fun to let your mind run wild- oh the possibilities.
In my excitement, I’ve been chatting to so many people also about setting goals and have been so surprised to learn that not a lot of other people actually set real goals. Some didn’t even have any goals past getting through next week. so where to next?
If we don’t set goals are we telling ourselves ‘this is it?’.
Just hoping that things will get better.
During one of my coaching sessions with a client this week, we were trying to find some clarity around my clients goals. When I asked her about what her financial and career goals were, she was drawing a blank.
she had an idea. But just an idea. When I asked her for a specific concrete goal she couldn’t articulate it past just that, an idea.
So how will you know if you’ve achieved it? I asked.
I don’t know. She said.
And that is what I find, a large number of people are living their lives like.
I don’t know. I hope so. Or I don’t hope, because I don’t want to be disappointed.
Last year I set some small goals for myself and when I pulled out that same notebook to review them, later in the year, I was really surprised how many of them I had actually achieved. With no set plan in place other than my writings of, this is what I want.
So at the beginning of this year I decided to go higher.
I planned out, step by step each goal into smaller little goals to achieve along the way. I did this in January, on a huge flip chart with arrows in the direction I wanted to go. I had this in my living room to see every day. By the end of February I had achieved all but two. All but 2. Wow! I hadn’t actually set a time line but really didn’t expect it to happen that quickly.
But it did. (Thanks Universe)
It made me wonder. Had I been working harder? Did I have more time? Had I been more focused?
I don’t think so.
I just knew where i wanted to go.
And in seeing it everyday, i was telling my brain what was important to me, and when I came home at the end of the day, I could see what the next step was. I’m a really visual person so this really worked for me.
So thinking about your life, if your life was a GPS in a car and you checked in every day to see where you are on your journey and where you wanted to go- do you think you’d reach your destination sooner?
Are you checking in everyday and saying “this is where I’m at” being unhappy with that and not setting your GPS up with a destination?
The best part about setting yourself goals is knowing and telling your brain that you want more.
You are telling your brain that where you are, is not where you want to be.
Your brain is extremely intelligent and will work for you, if you give it directions.
If you tell it to focus on all the negative things happening in your life it will continue to bring those things to your attention.
But if you tell it to focus on achieving the things you are set out to do in your life then it will go ahead and set to work, working in the back of your mind.
Bringing your attention to answers you require, things or people that will assist you in moving further ahead.
So set yourself up for an amazing life- set some big goals, dream big and then go back to the list on a regular basis and dream bigger again.
Last year I read a book about happiness and they suggested doing a 10 year plan. And I remember thinking, woah – too big. 10 years? Gees, I don’t know where i’ll be in 10years!
I gave it a go. It was hard, don’t get me wrong, but I kept it and kept updating it. At first, I had 10 years from now, what my age would be and what I wanted to have achieved by then, and then I worked backwards.
When you set it out like that, I was like, shit, I better get started now.
Don’t let your life slip past you, day to day, year to year, and wonder what have I achieved?
Set a goal and then make a plan.
Otherwise, it only ever will be just a dream.A dream you once had.
One day, is no day.
Start today. All you need to ask yourself is, where to next?