MY INNER CRITIC ALMOST RUINED EVERYTHING.

Throughout new periods of growth in my business, I have always struggled with the Fear of Success. Although it wasn’t obvious at first, the underlying patterns and beliefs that kept me stuck all stemmed from the fear of being more successful than I was. 


As I launched my podcast, I feared, who is ever going to listen?


As I hit 10k months, I worried about the problems and responsibility more money would bring.


As I booked large speaking gigs, I feared them figuring out how amateur I was. 


As I took on top coaches as clients, I feared I wouldn’t be good enough.


All of these fears boiled down to one major fear.
The Fear of Success.
The worst part about the Fear of Success isn’t the fear as such, it’s the inner critic chatter that just doesn’t stop. It’s the talk of not being good enough that causes the procrastination, the money blocking, the playing small and hiding out. 


When I landed my biggest paid speaking gig to date, my inner critic, brought me to my knees and almost ruined everything. 
I booked the gig, sold myself to the organisers and got to planning the 90-minute presentation. 


I had 6 weeks to prepare and I was nervous as hell. So for the first two weeks, do you know what I did? 
Nothing. Yep, nothing. Hello Procrastination at it’s best!


I wrote nothing, I didn’t prepare the slides or practice anything. 


The deadline to provide my final slides for the presentation was at 2 weeks prior to the event so I knew that I had to have the full presentation finalised by that date, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to change it. 


The fear set in,  my inner critic went nuts and I had to challenge it every day. 
It would say “You don’t know what you’re doing, you’ve never done a presentation this big before”.


I would counter with ” Yes you do, you speak in public all the time and you know what you’re doing. You have enough experience to add value!”


Fear would step in and say “You’re gonna fall on your face in front of hundreds of people”.


I would counter with “It’s OK if you do, it will get a laugh and the audience will connect with how real and genuine you are.”


Fear would shout ” You’re too fat to be on stage”


I would counter with ” No matter your size, you have plenty of value to offer and all you need is your voice.”


On our journey to success, fear will always be present. We are never going to be able to eradicate it, so it’s important that we learn to dance with it. As long as you don’t let it take the lead. 
You are in charge and fear can step aside  – so let it know that you are in control.

 Don’t let fear stop you from going after what you want and achieving the success you deserve. 

When does your inner critic talk trash to you? What’s it’s favorite line? Do you manage it with grace or get sucked into its drama? 

Don’t worry you’re not alone. The trick is to find as much kindness for yourself as possible, and the way I do it, is talk to myself as if I was one of my best friends. 

If she was talking trash about herself, I would tell her to stop it and then say something kind. 

Give it a go and let me know how it works for you. 

Want to know what fear is holding you back?

TAKE THE QUIZ

113 – Why we resist what we need

To make progress something has to change. A change in our behaviour, our actions, our thoughts, and our needs.

The reason we resist change is that it’s uncomfortable. We feel resistance to doing something different, something unfamiliar, even though it’s what we need to get a different result.

What if that resistance wasn’t because of fear? What if it was because of our conditioning and our core needs?

What if what we truly needed was to balance the way we meet our needs in a more resourceful way.

Today’s episode is all about understanding our core needs and how the resistance we feel is present because we’re so used to the behaviour we use to fulfill our needs, and doing something different feels unnatural – hence the resistance.

Elevate Intensive

For more information regarding the 4-week intensive email me at

hello@christinecorcoran.com.au

112 – Your triggers are controlling you

What or who triggers you? The resistance you feel is indicating that there is some healing or resolution that needs to happen internally for you to be able to move forward. What you resist, persists and if you don’t deal with the trigger it will continue to control you.

What is a trigger?

A trigger is something that sets off an emotional response in you.
You may get angry, annoyed, upset, frustrated. You may react with judgment, avoidance, or apathy.
Either way, if something is triggering an emotional response in you, that trigger is an indicator that there is an internal conflict or an unresolved issue that needs to be addressed.
And if you don’t address it, it will continue to control you.


Doing the inner work is looking at these triggers with curiosity and compassion, so you can begin the healing process to let it go and step into being your true self.
Is it a situation, something or someone that triggers you?

Does the trigger feel like something unresolved from the past?

Is it highlighting where you are suppressing yourself? Not standing up for what you believe in or asking for what you want?

Or is it an inner conflict?

Your ego trying to protect you, triggering a fear or limiting belief?

Is it the ego trying to protect itself?

Is it fear?

Need to self protect: anger, internal judgment, protect who you think you are, projecting your pain on them, avoiding self-judgement

Need to seek safety: Avoidance, fear, danger, external judgement, distance or disconnect from situation or someone.

Need to self-comfort: Self-loathing, loneliness, fear, guilt, sadness

Start by bringing awareness to the trigger, what emotions it brings up and start to look deeper into what is causing the reaction

Use these journal prompts to uncover and overcome the trigger:

Questions for Unresolved Issues

Identify the past experience it reminds you of. What about that past experience triggers you?

What are the emotions you are noticing you feel?

What did you want to say, or do in that situation that you didn’t do in the past? How did you want the other person to respond?

How has your interpretation of the event affected how you view the situation here in the present?

Why is it now time to change your interpretation of the event?

What could you make it mean instead?

Questions if it is a person who triggers you

What triggers you about them? Specifically? Get as specific as possible.

What emotions does it bring up in you?

What about that person could you be missing? What are you choosing not to see?

What do I see in them that I fear in myself?

What do I want it to be instead?
Who do I want to be instead?

TAKE THE QUIZ – What’s holding you back?

STOP WAITING FOR PERMISSION

One of the biggest forms of Fear of Failure for me to overcome was the need for permission. 

All my life, my parents wanted nothing but the best for me. They encouraged me to learn new instruments, take classes and achieve high marks. When I was 20 I landed my dream job; working on Luxury Cruiseliners, cruising around the world, and they were proud as punch. 

When I eventually came back to Australia and pursued a corporate career with one of the largest beauty brands in the world, they continued to encourage me to do well.

 My dad would always say- When are you going to get your boss’s job? When’s your next promotion? What’s next? 


I strove for greatness, kept hitting big targets, winning award after award, and making my way up the corporate ladder until I lost my passion and drive. 


I’d gotten over the bureaucracy and politics of the corporate environment and felt like I was selling my soul every day I got ready for work and walked out the door. I became so frustrated with myself and with having to do things their way, that I decided that enough was enough. Something had to change.

It was time to venture out on my own and start my own business. I found what I was passionate about and I took to studying coaching and NLP. I studied hard and practiced my coaching, and started building my business alongside my corporate job. I worked nights and weekends and loved every minute of it, and I did it all in secret from my parents.


When the time came to decide to quit, I knew it was time to tell my parents and I worried about what they would think. What was my dad going to say? Would he be disappointed in me? Would he try to talk me out of it? Would he demand I stay in my job?

The fear set in.


What would my dad think?


Would he get angry that I was leaving my high paying salary, and security of the corporate sector to go into a world of uncertainty with my own business? 

Why was I so worried about what my Dad would say or think? This was my life and I got to choose how I wanted to live it. 
Yet, I felt frozen in fear, waiting for permission to pursue my dreams. 
I stressed out about it every day. I pictured the conversation in my mind, replaying his voice in my head. “When are you going to get your boss’s job, Christine?”. 

It wasn’t until I realized that his opinion and advice were all coming from what he deemed to be important to him and how he lived his life, his upbringing and his fears. Not mine. 
He has always wanted the best for me, so what made me think it would be different now?
I eventually built up the courage to tell him what I was going to do. I was going to quit my corporate job and pursue my own business.
And when I did, I was so surprised at his reaction.


He wasn’t judgemental or disappointed at all.  
He wasn’t angry or upset. 
He was proud. 

 My shoulders dropped as I let out a huge sigh of relief. 
It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined.


If there is someone in your life that you’re waiting for permission to pursue your dreams – please tell them.


As fearful as it is, you will feel better once the cat is out of the bag. 
But remember this, their reaction has nothing to do with you.

No matter how proud, angry, upset, disappointed or happy they are for you, they are only reacting this way based on their own values, beliefs and life experience. 
You do not have to take it on board.

You do not have to believe it. 
This is your life and you get to choose to live it however you see fit. 


In the words of Dr Seuss; 

Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
– The Cat In The Hat

Dr Seuss

111 – Thriving through hard times

When you’re stuck in the thick of it and you cannot see past the challenges you’re experiencing, it can be difficult to pull yourself out.

Today on the podcast, I will be sharing about a difficult time I went through in my business and how I pulled myself through with new lessons and a new perspective.

Thriving through hard times is all about managing your mind and changing what you focus on. Easier said than done, yes, but definitely doable. Learning to change your thoughts and taking the lessons that come through challenges is what makes a great business owner, with a sustainable and successful future.

110 – Managing Expectations (yours & others)

Have you ever felt let down or disappointed by something not working out the way you had hoped?

Have you ever gotten angry or frustrated because someone didn’t do, or say what you thought they should do?

Have you ever had something turn out so different to how you had expected it to and felt disappointed?

Have you ever not achieved what you’d expected of yourself and felt like you’d failed?

Today I share my experience of having expectations on other people and expectations on ourselves.

How to work through the expectation let down, change how you feel about it so you can choose to take radical responsibility and honesty for our part and move through it without it letting it ruin your day.

Expectations of others

Dealing with unmet expectations 

Expecting others to act, say or be a certain way sets ourselves up for disappointment and hurt.  

Expectations on yourself 

Your expectations – are they too high or too low?

How to recognize where your expectations are keeping you stuck, Where are you settling? Blaming? Judging? Making excuses

Not having expectations

What would life be like without expectations?

HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT BUSINESS COACH FOR YOU

Business is 80% Psychology and 20% Skills.

80% Mindset. Honestly. It’s not your skills that are holding you back. It’s not your skills that you need to improve, or another qualification that will make the difference, it’s a stronger mindset.

The way we approach our day and show up for ourselves and our mission will determine the outcome. Our results are a reflection of our internal state – our mindset.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”

Henry Ford

Do you view things as challenge or problem?

Do you worry about your competition or seek out new collaborations?

Do you search for options or only find excuses?

Do you consider mistakes as failure or lessons and opportunities to learn more?

Do you welcome feedback or stress about judgment and critcism?

Are you always easy to tire or feel empowered to make the effort?

Do you rise to the occasion and face your fears and give up when things get hard?

Every step of the way we have the ability to choose how we want to react to circumstances that happen around us. When we have unstoppable confidence and certainty in our abilities and our self-belief, there are no obstacles just challenges and growth.

So what do you need to take things to the next level?

The skills or the mindset?

There are so many options now that it’s hard to determine what kind of business coach you need. Do you need a mentor? A Strategist? An accountability Coach? A mindset coach?

I’m here to break them all down to support you in finding the right coach for you. Here’s the difference.

SKILLS

Mentor

A mentor is when someone has the Industry experience relevant to your industry who shares their own experience from their own trial and error. It’s important that when choosing a Mentor you find one that is specific to your industry and has achieved the level of success you’re looking for.

Strategist

A Strategist gives you specific information to create a specific result.  Like a Sales strategist to improve your sales, a marketing strategist to improve your message and communication or a brand strategist to uncover and develop your brand voice, message and tone to attract the right clientele.  Want to create sales funnels, marketing plans, social media or advertising then a strategist is what you need.

MINDSET

Accountability Coach

An accountability coach supports you in setting SMART goals and creating your long term vision. They usually give ongoing support as a soundboard to check-in and keep you accountable for your actions.

Mindset Coach  

Want to take things next level and need something more than just accountability?

A mindset coach will help you figure out what is holding you back from achieving the level of success you want. You’ll work through mindset blocks,  self- sabotaging behaviors and develop a level of confidence and certainty so that you can pursue your dreams with massive action and learn how to keep yourself accountable along the way. This is the long term solution to procrastination, lack of confidence, self-belief and overwhelms that keeps you stuck in your current circumstances. Working with a mindset coach will support you in finding the courage to stand tall and go after what you want without doubt or fear and develop a new level of self-belief to help you figure out anything along the way to achieving your success.

Working with a coach can make all the difference. A coach can help you see the blind spots that are keeping you stuck and help you raise your standards to a new level of being. Which one will you choose to help you create the success that you want?

Skills or the mindset?

If you’re still not sure, or if you want to truly uncover what’s holding you back – take the QUIZ – What’s holding you back?

Never worked with a coach before? Want to experience working with a coach? Book in a Discovery Call with me and we can discover what’s holding you back together.

109 – What are your excuses costing you?

Where are you listening to your excuses? Where are they keeping you playing small? Are they excuses or a self-sabotaging behavior?

It’s time to let go of the reasons and excuses why you’re not achieving what you want in life. It’s time to raise your standards and find a new way to change your excuses to become a more positive reinforcement.

Have you attached a label to it?

I’m shy, I”m just big boned, I’m not good at technology. I”m not good at X, I’m not a X person, where have you attached an excuse to your identity to avoid feeling uncomfortable?

Let’s question and challenge the excuses and use the excuse against itself to encourage a different action.

What’s holding you back quiz?

108 – Reconnecting with yourself with Julie Parker, Founder of The Beautiful You Coaching Academy, Author, & Editor in Chief of Inspired COACH Magazine

Julie Parker is the Founder of The Beautiful You Coaching Academy where she passionately trains and supports heart-centered people to become life coaches. The Editor in Chief of inspired COACH Magazine, a published author and an in demand speaker, Julie has inspired thousands of people on stages all over the world and is the recipient of numerous leadership and women’s business awards.

Julie is also the Co-Founder of Priestess Temple School and host of the top-ranking Priestess Podcast. A modern-day priestess with a focus on her Celtic, Balkan, Iberian and Greek lineage, Julie is committed to contributing to a world where qualities of intuition, presence, social justice, and service are honored. Julie lives in Melbourne with her husband, stepdaughter and two much loved adopted cats.

Today’s conversation lends itself to…

  • Shadow work
  • What it takes to be a modern priestess
  • Healing our ancestral wounds
  • Root cause of perfectionism
  • Breaking the patterns of society’s expectations
  • Radical honesty & connecting back to ourselves
  • Making time for self-reflection & the inner work
  • Different forms of meditation
  • Creating your own legacy
  • Learning to uncover your truth

Beautiful You Coaching Academy

Priestess Temple School

Fear of Rejection

Let’s talk Fear of Rejection.

It’s a real logical fear that keeps many of us stuck.⠀It stops us from asking for the sale, following up on leads, showing up online, trying new things, launching new products or services, speaking up for ourselves, and asking for what we want! ⠀

Coming from a sales background where I had to put myself in situations where I would get rejected every single day not only helped me build resilience to being rejected but it allowed me to learn these three things:

1. The more times you get rejected, the easier it becomes and the more success you actually achieve.

Without asking for what you want (a sale) the less likely someone will say yes, so it’s important that you do more asking for the sale! 

Even though you notice the fear, the more times you put yourself out there the less uncomfortable it becomes and the more opportunities that become available to you. You have to learn to push through the fear and just ask.


2. When someone says NO to what you are selling- 99% of the time it has nothing to do with YOU! ⠀

It’s important to be mindful of what you make the rejection mean. They could be saying NO for a plethora of reasons: wrong time, not enough money, they cannot see the value in what you’re offering, it didn’t meet their needs, or they’re just too overwhelmed to even make a decision even though they know it’s what they need.

If you make the rejection mean something about YOU like you’re not worth it, you’re not good at what you do, you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re a failure etc, the only outcome this will achieve is less action, equalling fewer results. ⠀

Each time you get rejected, and you will more often than not, be mindful of what you make it mean.

Learn to detach the meaning from you as an individual.

And focus on the facts. When we start to bring emotion or personal reasons into it, that’s when we fall into a victim mentality which keeps us playing small, staying safe and stuck in non-action.

⠀3. Focus on what you can control.

You cannot control what other people think or do. You cannot control what reasons someone has for saying NO, but what you can control is how you show up, how you communicate, and your ability to adapt to the situation.

Taking time after a sales interaction to debrief with yourself so you can learn from the situation is paramount.

Asking yourself what you did well, what you could do differently next time and how you could improve helps you to choose a more positive perspective.

You may realize you didn’t build enough rapport, didn’t communicate the value clearly enough, or didn’t create enough interest to uncover the client’s needs so when you got to the sales part, it fell flat.

Don’t let someone else’s reasons for not saying ‘YES” derail you from your purpose and your ability to achieve the results you want. If you don’t have the results you want yet – all it means is that you haven’t asked enough people yet!

Keep going. The next one could say ‘Yes’!