31- Being aligned with your goals

Align your personality with your purpose, and no one can touch you. – Oprah

Alignment. Why do we want it and how do we get it?

One of the most popular buzz words going around at the moment, and I wonder whether the real meaning of alignment has been lost with all the buzz.

It’s something that can determine either your success or your struggle to achieve.

What is alignment?

Alignment is Aligning your thoughts, behaviours, emotions and energy with the person you want to become to have the results that you want in life.

In the dictionary, it means arrangement in a straight line or in correct relative position and

a position of agreement or alliance. So are your behaviours, thoughts, beliefs and actions in agreement?
Really think about what you want in life and decide whether those aspirations are what you truly want.
As we can often take on other peoples expectations, ideas of success and aspirations thinking it’s what we want, yet truly deep down its not. Finding your own truth and being ok with that is the first step to getting into real alignment.

So these are the things to consider to get into true alignment:

 

  • Analyse your beliefs and figure out if they support your goals or hold you back?
  • Picture yourself 5 years from now, with all those goals and aspirations achieved and see how you would be behaving, believing, feeling and what energy you are holding on a daily basis.
  • Are your actions and words truly aligning with your goals.
  • Energy is your responsibility and choosing your emotions to support your goals keeps you in momentum
  • Consciously taking responsibility for our actions, thoughts, emotions and energy will continue to keep you in alignment.

You do not become what you want; you become what you believe. – Oprah

 

30 – Living in the moment

Unease, tension, anxiety, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

– Eckhart Tolle

Staying in the present moment, is the most difficult thing to do in this day and age. We are bombarded with distractions from every angle and expected to be perfect in every way and be always striving to be better, do better and live more fully. Yet, when we’re always striving for the next best thing, focusing on what’s next on the hustle and grind train,  we can find ourselves struggling to actually enjoy our lives and live in the moment.

With stress and anxiety on the rise, we must find new ways to handle this to be able to stay present, build stronger connections and live and love more fully. Living in the moment effects our happiness, balance and performance, it helps to calm the mind,and reduce the effects of stress on the body.

So how do we stay more present and live in the moment?

 

  •  Set an intention

Commit to being present and staying in the moment for the moments in life you want to enjoy. It’s easier said than done that’s for sure. Yet when you decide ahead of time you are more likely to be able to commit, rather than reacting in the moment and relying on willpower to save you. Practive fully engaging in conversation, practice effective listening and fully open your eyes to allow the mind to take in everything around you. Take a deep breath and be open.

 

  •  Eliminate distractions

Phones, Tv, devices, noise, Notifications, anything that pulls you away from the present moment. Turn it off, put it away and decide that you want to fully engage in the activity, the connection or the experience.

Learn to quiet the little voice inside telling you everything you should be doing, thinking about and focusing on. Stop thinking about the future and the past and bring yourself back to now. In the present moment, there is no thought of what might happen tomorrow during that meeting or yesterday and how your partner was upset with you. When you are truly in the moment, life stands still and you cannot deny that life is good. You have air in your lungs, a roof over your head food in the fridge and running water to drink.

  •  Create space and opportunities to enjoy life

The more experiences you create in your life that you want to fully engage in, the more likely you are going to want to be in the moment. When we surround ourselves with activities, and behaviours that numb us to life then getting distracted is just a matter of time.  If you are finding yourself disengaging from life, it might be worth asking yourself why? What is it about this part of your life that you are so unhappy with that you want to distract yourself?

If you are craving connection and joy in your life, schedule in activities and experiences that will bring you joy, excitement, laughter and happiness. But remind yourself to fully engage. Teach your brain that these are the experiences that will bring more positive emotion and help boost serotonin(the mood boosting hormone) & give you a rush of endorphins (the feel good hormone).

 

  • Transition Better

Daily we undertake dozens of different roles and tasks. Dr Adam’s research and the research he partnered with Deakin University on showed that what we do in this transitional gap (The Third Space) has a huge impact on our happiness, performance and balance. The research also showed that all too often we carry the mindset and emotional state from one activity to the next – leading to negative and occasionally disastrous consequences.

Read the book – The Third Space by Dr Adam Fraser

Allow some time to transition from one activity/environment to the next.

If you want to be a better boss, employee, father, mother, friend or colleague, mentally prepare yourself to show up as the best version of yourself with the best intentions.

Take a moment between each activity or role that you have, to debrief, set an intention and decide how you want to show up for your next life experience.

 

  • Practice gratitude in the moment

Being in the moment and really feeling into the emotion of gratitude allows us to really experience life fully in that present moment. Connecting with those around us, allowing all elements into our spectrum and really experiencing everything this world has to offer.

How can I be more present? How can I connect or engage more?

How can I live more fully? How can I love more fully?

 

Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply. – Thich Nhat Hanh

 

 

29 – It’s ok to feel

Why are we walking through life afraid to feel and express our emotions?

Repressing and avoiding our emotions can cause severe and debilitating physical and emotional ailments.

Learning to express and process our emotions can lead to a healthy and enjoyable life of peace and well being.

We often find ourselves doing everything we can to avoid our feelings – emotional eating, drinking, shopping, having sex, staying busy, burying ourselves in work and even spending hours scrolling through tv and social media.

To experience a full and happy life we must learn to acknowledge, name and experience our emotions so we can process them and move forward in our lives otherwise they will come back to bite us in the ass.

All emotions serve a purpose and if we allow ourselves to experience them we can learn from the message they are sending and start creating the life we want to experience.

Yes society and the world want us to avoid our emotions – it makes us better consumers and keeps us indulging in spending money on things we don’t need to try and make ourselves feel better. Yet all we really want is to feel.

If I was to ask you to name some negative emotions, I’m sure you could come up with a full list of compelling emotions and with plenty of stories to back them up. And that’s ok. As long as they are your stories.

Your experience is your experience – don’t allow someone else’s experience to dictate your emotions.

Yet, if I asked you to make a list of positive emotions – how many could you come up with?  And how many of those would you be experiencing on a daily basis?

We are what we practice. So what percentage of your day would you be experiencing positive emotion compared to negative?  How could you go about cultivating more positive emotion in your day?

All emotions are neutral until we label them.

So how do we process emotion?

Firstly, we must allow it to be. Acknowledge that it is there and name the emotion we are feeling and why.

Be aware of the emotion, name it accurately, without the drama and allow the healing to take place.

Ways to allow the process of healing:

– Acknowledge it, name it, FEEL IT, Ask for the message

– Release writing/thought download – spend 10-15minutes (or more if you need) and write down everything you are feeling and why. You don’t need to re-read it or keep it, just get it out and then throw it out.

– Exercise – process the emotion through physical movement

– Meditate  – spend some time meditating on the emotion and ask for the message to come through so you can move through it.

I hope you enjoyed today’s episode, here’s  to a week of feeling and processing.

Have an amazing week!

 

Controlling our emotions intelligently

“We must learn to control our emotions or our emotions will control us.”

As my boss walked in the room, I could tell he was in a heated conversation with a customer on the phone. He wasn’t happy, and he was getting defensive, which seemed to be making the situation worse.

All of us were waiting for him to start the meeting and could see the steam coming out of his ears and the irritation on his face getting worse. It wasn’t good.

As he got off the phone, he looked around the room at us, one by one, with anger on his face. We were all looking at him, waiting as he snapped, “What?” Come on, let’s get started!”

I remember this like it was yesterday, it was not a good meeting. He bitched and moaned, blamed everyone else for the poor results of the company. You could see he was visibly upset and he micromanaged and criticised everything we did. We left feeling flat, defeated and useless. This was the beginning of the end, I knew I had to quit. I could not deal anymore having to work with someone so volatile, never knowing if it was going to be a good day or a bad day depending on whether he was in a good mood or not.

He just couldn’t see how his behaviour constantly affected everyone else in the team.

He was completely lacking any awareness of himself and desperately needed to work on his Emotional Intelligence.

What is emotional intelligence? 

And, how can we develop it to improve our relationships, home life and workplace?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to intelligently recognise our emotions, the impact they have on others and how we can manage them.

It’s an awareness of what’s going on inside and how that is exploding on the outside. When we become the observer of our thoughts and emotions, we have the ability to manage them for the better.

Have you ever reacted in a negative way and after the fact, thought that there could have been a better way to handle it?

Perhaps you could have created a better outcome if you had taken the time to consider your thoughts, emotions and the needs of the other people involved?

Recognizing where we control our reactions and thoughts and ultimately choose our emotions from moment to moment, is an important part of building strong relationships with yourself and other people.

Emotional Intelligence is having an awareness of Self and awareness of others, their emotions and what the situation requires.

Developing emotional intelligence will improve your work environment, home experience, improve your relationships and overall life experience.

My old boss had no control of his emotions and reactions, and could not see how his reactions & emotions were affecting his team and their work life satisfaction, and performance.

Observing and understanding our emotions gives us the ability to recognise where they are serving us or where they are doing us a disservice.

 

SELF

I believe there are two aspects to emotional intelligence. Initially it is becoming aware of your own emotions and the ability to decide how you would like to behave, respond or react.

It’s all about Self. How we perceive, understand, express and manage our emotions. This self – awareness allows us the ability to manage and self-regulate in way that serves us positively.

It creates the ability to improve your emotional reasoning. That is, recognizing which emotion would be better suited to deal with the situation at hand. Asking yourself, if I react in this way, will this serve me? And if the answer is no, then we have the option to change our emotions for a more positive outcome.

Awareness of self and having emotional intelligence also helps us tap into our own authenticity. When we are emotionally aware we can observe our emotions from a dissociated state and see where the emotion may not actually even be ours. The response or reaction could be a learned behaviour, a belief or trait that we have picked up from someone else, or even a societal expectation of how we should behave. Developing emotional intelligence gives us the ability to question our own thoughts and behaviour and decide if it is something that we would like to adopt. Tapping into this gives us the ability to choose what is important to us and how we would like to behave authentically, as our true selves.

 

If my boss had excused himself from the room to take the phone call, taken some time to check into his emotions and get them under control before returning to the room the meeting would have been completely different. Even going one step further, and asking himself “How do I want to behave in this meeting today? What’s my intention for the meeting and how do I want my team to feel after the meeting?

If this was the case,  I would imagine there would have been a completely different outcome that day.

 

OTHERS

The second part of emotional intelligence is becoming emotionally aware of others.

That is, how our emotions and behaviours impact others and how we can positively impact those around us using empathy, understanding and positive influence.

It’s also recognizing someone else’s reactions and emotions and knowing that they are just a reflection on what is going on for them and is no way our actual emotions.

When we’re able to take a step back and become aware of their concerns from a disassociated position, and view the situation from afar, we can have a better understanding on what is going on for them and how we can best serve them.

People who lack emotional intelligence often react to situations and other’s emotional responses without taking the time decide what the best course of action is, how their reaction or input will affect others, and the bigger picture outcome of the situation.

My boss reacted aggressively and defensively to the customer on the phone that day and the outcome was disastrous. What would have been a better way to handle the situation with emotional intelligence?

A – Listen to the customer’s needs and concerns

B – Recognize and acknowledge how the customer was feeling so the customer felt heard and understood

C – Recognize that the customer’s emotions were not directed at him, just at the problem at hand

D – Asking himself, if I react in this way, will this serve me? And if the answer is no, what response will give me the best outcome.

E- Show empathy for the customer and the problem.

F – Focus on finding a solution.

 

Empathy is an interesting concept and we often get it confused with sympathy.

With empathy, we have the ability to understand and recognize the emotions/pain from the customer’s point of view. Also recognizing that because their pain isn’t ours, and therefore we have the ability to assist and positively impact the outcome.

Most people believe we need to have sympathy with others, yet the distinction is important to consider.

To have sympathy, we must have feelings of pity and sorry for someone else’s misfortune. Which is all good and well, as long as we don’t adopt the emotions.  They are not our emotions to adopt & adopting them does not help the situation.

I believe empathy is where we can have an understanding. Yet, as an outsider, we have the ability to take an observer’s position to see all sides and offer support and insights from a non-emotional position.

The brain is a powerful machine, that processes 400 billion bits of information a second through sight, sound, touch, smell & taste.

The brain also filters all this information through every life experience an individual has had and adds it to a list of similar experiences from the past.  

So when we are experiencing emotions they can often be related to a past experience which may then affect how we understand, react or respond to a situation.

Recognising that every human being has their own unique life experiences, thoughts, values and beliefs which are as unique as a fingerprint, allows us to have respect and awareness of another person’s opinion, thought, reaction or response.

The same way we recognize someone else’s opinion on something like a work project for example, will be different, but not necessarily right or wrong, as everyone’s filters are different.

The impact this has on our interactions on a daily basis can be the difference between building a strong relationship and having a positive influence or losing the relationship, and engagement from your people.

Every day we encounter different people in our worlds and we have an impact on them just as much as they do us. So would you prefer to make your impact a positive or negative one?

What if more of us were emotionally aware?

Imagine the way this would improve our relationships and our daily experience of work, life, family and friends.

This is a choice we make each day. So choose wisely.

28 – How to find your people

Today’s episode is  a hybrid episode – I know, weird right. But it’s kinda the same concept – you’ll see.

This week I’ve had a few people comment on how difficult it is to find friends in this day and age and I’ve also been having conversations on how to find clients in a business situation and how important understanding your ideal client is.

So what is important to you? What do you value in life?

Today I am using a tool that I use in my business coaching to get clear on your ideal client so your marketing, branding and advertising speaks directly to that ideal client.

By using the same tool to discover what is important to you and what your interests are you can discover how to find like – minded people so you can make new friends.

Random correlation yeah? Not really, when you think about. We all just want to belong, and we all want people understand what we are going through and what we want in life.

What better way to discover where to find friends than to ask yourself these important questions first.

Grab a pen and paper and let’s get started. 🙂

 

27 – Dealing with Self Doubt

Sitting in feelings of self doubt keeps us small and stuck in non-action.

Whenever you are have a dream, a goal and are wanting to achieve something incredible then feelings of self doubt can show up and stop us in our tracks.

If we are committed to growth then we need to learn how to overcome self doubt and learn new strategies to move forward.

So how do we deal with self doubt?

Tune in to hear some actionable steps and tools to help you deal with self doubt and to combat the inner critic.

 

 

Blog – Are your thoughts around money holding you back?

For so many of us, money is a sore spot, just thinking about it creates a feeling of unease and discomfort.
We don’t like to talk about it, especially out in the open. Talking about our income is frowned upon in the workplace & with friends, often the talk of money is the cause of disagreements and breakups in marriages and friendships.
Wow. That’s a lot. We blame money for so much pain in our lives yet is it really money’s fault?
Why do we treat money so badly?
We love it when it comes around yet give it away so hastily, buying things we don’t necessarily need. Then we hate it when it’s gone. We talk badly about it behind its back and desperately beg for it to come back.
No wonder we often struggle to keep it around.
If someone treated us like this, we would run a mile. Right?Think about what money means to you. Do you think of it fondly or with disdain?

What are your feelings or emotions about money?  When you think of money is your focus on how little/how much of it you have, what bills you have to pay, what you need to spend? Are you focused on wishing you had more? Whether we mean for it to happen or not, so often our lives revolve around money, because someone, somewhere, decided that pieces of paper and metal could be allocated a value and exchanged for other goods and services.

Money is energy. Dissolve all your negative beliefs related to money. See it as a loving tool and use it to bring good into the world.

Think about money in terms of energy. Energy  – the same way you feel positive or negative energy when you meet someone for the first time. You can feel if they are in a good mood or a bad one, if they are distracted or engaged.

The way we feel about money is all created by the thoughts and beliefs we have about it.

There are so many positive and negative beliefs that we simply accept as truths about money, so much so that these have become part of our vocabulary.  Phrases that are not entirely true yet affect the way we feel about money. I guarantee you have heard, ‘money solves all problems’, money doesn’t grow on trees, and ‘money is the root of all evil’. Choose a cliché – there’s every chance it can be applied to money and you will expend your own energy then thinking about money in this certain frame of mind. There is a reason that thinking about money is exhausting. After all, we spend so much of our time pushing money away instead of drawing it to us, because so many of us learn more of the negative thoughts associated with it rather than the positive ones.

Take a moment to think about the first memory you have of money. What is it? Can you picture who you were with? What they were saying, or how they were acting? What makes this memory the one you have about money? Here’s my next question, and it’s a big one – is the memory a positive memory or a negative memory for you? This memory, along with all the other influential moments you have experienced around money, have together created your outlook on what money is for you, and how it affects your life today.

Successful people make money. It’s not that people who make money become successful, but that successful people attract money. They bring success to what they do. – Wayne Dyer

It’s possibly an overwhelming realisation to have, or it might be one that you think about and suddenly just notice that yes, that’s exactly where your head is at when it comes to those money matters. Whatever the case may be for you, it’s so important to consider how you think about “money” and how it has impacted your thought processes, and evidently your actions towards money, ever since.

Having money, earning money, spending money. It all requires that we make choices. Have you given much thought to the choices that you make around money? Have you thought about what you’re doing to bring money in, beyond the actual main income that you currently earn? There are so many ways to bring in additional income but so often we forget to really think about the choices we’ve made. Just as in life, when it comes to money, everything we do is a choice. Have you accepted that your current form of income is all you can earn? Have you made the choice to prioritise procrastination over more productive ways of spending your time? Do you think about the fact that you pay your bills is a choice that you’re making?

Often, simply changing that thought process for how we approach money is the catalyst we need to get our lives moving to that next level! Can you see where you could change your thinking? Changing our thoughts actively changes our brains – by using more creative parts of our brain, or by thinking more logically than we might have done in the past, we are accessing different areas of our brain and allowing for new connections, new insights, to be made. We are able to see the opportunities that are actually right in front of us, simply by allowing those new thought patterns to surface. Be aware of your own thought processes – which ones are serving you and which ones are keeping you stuck in the very patterns that you want to break free from?

 

If this sounds like you, if you’d like to be on better terms with the money that affords you the lifestyle you have or the lifestyle you want, if you’d like to change your thought patterns around money, then check out my podcasts – 

Episode 15 – The Next Level Life – Money Mindset Part 1

Episode 16 – The Next Level Life – Money Mindset Part 2 

To Listen CLICK HERE  where I will talk you through some exercises to determine how you developed your current thought patterns around money, and how you can refocus your energy as money comes into your life.

It will do wonders for how you feel and how you can then focus on bringing in more!

Wishing you all the money in the world.

Money will make you more of what you already are. If you’re not a nice person, money’s going to make you a despicable individual. If you’re a good person, money’s going to make you a better person.” – Bob Proctor

26 – How to pull yourself out of a rut

So, you’ve found yourself stuck in a rut, not taking action and you’re not happy about it! So how do you pull yourself out?
Here are my top 6 tips on how to pull yourself out of a rut and get back on track.

  1. First, recognize that it is not where you want to be.  Sometimes, we indulge in self pity, and non-action because it’s easier than dealing with what is not working – and it feels good in the moment. To be able to create the change we want to see, we must first recogize that it is not working and it is not what we want to be doing.
  2. Recognize your self sabotaging behaviours.  Non-action can spiral into self sabotaging behaviours like procrastination, buffering – anything to avoid feeling bad about what’s going on in our lives.
  3. Recognize your thoughts and what you are focusing on. Start asking better questions to change what you are focusing on and keep you focusing on what you can do to keep you moving forward.
  4. Revisit your goals and your why.  Why is it important to you?  Who do you want to be? How do you get back to the best version of yourself?  Push past the pain of discomfort to get back to your passion and purpose of your why.

“People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals — that is, goals that do not inspire them” Tony Robbins

  1. Reignite your passion – tap into resources that will re inspire you and your mission.
  2. Move your body and get back to your self care. Go back and see what habits you have forgotten to do that set you up for success and move your body.

Please feel free to use this episode as a resource for pulling yourself out of rut when you find yourself in self sabotaging behaviours and stuck in non-action.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

25 – Comparison is a b!#@$!

“I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness” Jack Canfield

Why do we compare ourselves to other people, their successes, their bodies, their purchases, abilities and talents. What is it about our human nature that drives us to compare and how do we change the way we look at other peoples achievements and learn how to celebrate and admire them without having to consider our own shortcomings and inadequacies?

With social media bringing the world closer, it is easier to find ourselves comparing our results to other people from all over the world. Gone are the days that we would only compare ourselves to our friends, family and close work colleagues.

As the world evolves, unfortunately our brain hasn’t so it is more and more important that we are vigilant with our thoughts and feelings than ever before.

When you find yourself comparing your success, talent, body or results with someone else learn to ask better questions to turn comparison into modelling for success.

Be accurate and curious with your judgement.
– How did they achieve those results?
– What actions and behaviours did they have to adopt to be successful?
– What beliefs and mindset did they choose to achieve this?
– What sacrifices and change of lifestyle gave them this outcome?

And lastly, learn to celebrate their success and cheer them on. We all deserve success and all deserve to have our peers cheering us on from the sidelines. Success doesn’t happen overnight and we must learn to admire the sacrifices, strengths, abilities and qualities that someone has to be successful.

And when you admire such qualities, just know that you also have that quality within you already.
Noticing it in others is the soul’s yearning to express and explore that quality more.

“Comparison is the death of joy” – Mark Twain

To find out more about my Business Empowerment Program please CLICK HERE

 

24 – Nothing Changes if nothing changes

#mondayinsight

Nothing changes if nothing changes.
The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

We all want change, but are we willing to do the things every day to get it?

You have to want to change and be willing to gain the knowledge, change the actions and thoughts that you are in control of on a daily basis to be able to experience the change you desire.